25 Ways to Make Love to the Earth

Beth Stephens and Annie Sprinkle

How to be an EcoSexual

by Annie Sprinkle & Beth Stephens

Two of our greatest friends and influencers in our pursuit of eco-conscious pleasure are Annie Sprinkle and Beth Stephens, whose work defines ecosexuality as a sexual orientation for those who acknowledge the Earth itself as their lover.

Ecosexuals understand that whether we are aware of it or not, we are all in a relationship with our Earth. And like any other relationship, it benefits both parties greatly if you listen to each other, honor each other's needs, and show your appreciation and affection for one another. Therefore, Ecosexuals pledge to love, respect, and cherish the Earth for the duration of their lifetime.

So how can you cultivate and improve your relationship with the Earth? Start by getting ecosexy! Nature is, after all, constantly getting it on — you just need to tap into the Earth's erotic energy!

So if you're ready to take your relationship with the Earth to the next level but aren't sure where to start, Annie and Beth have created a list of 25 Ways to Make Love to the Earth!

25 Ways to Make Love With The Earth: 1. Tell the Earth, "I love you. I can't live without you." 2. At first you may be feel embarassed to be lovers with the Earth. Relax. Let it go. It's ok. 3. Spend time with her. 4. Ask her what she likes, wants, and needs - then try to give it to her. 5. Massage the Earth with your feet. 6. Admire her views often. 7. Circulate erotic energy with him. 8. Smell her. 9. Taste her. 10. Touch her all over. 11. Hug and stroke his trees. 12. Talk dirty to her plants. 13. Swim naked in their waters. 14. Lay on top of her, or let her get on top of you. 15. Do a nude dance for her. 16. Sing to her. 17. Kiss and lick her. 18. Bury parts of your body deep inside his soil. 19. Plant your seeds in her. 20. Love her unconditionally, even when she's angry or cruel. 21. Keep them clean. Please recycle. 22. Work for peace. Bombs really hurt. 23. If you see her being abused, raped, exploited, protect her as best you can. 24. Protect their mountains, waters, and ski. 25. Vow to love and herish the Earth until death brings you closer together forever.

25 Ways to Make Love to the Earth

  1. Tell the Earth, "I love you. I can't live without you."
  2. At first you may be feel embarrassed to be lovers with the Earth. Relax. Let it go. It's ok.
  3. Spend time with her.
  4. Ask her what she likes, wants, and needs - then try to give it to her.
  5. Massage the Earth with your feet.
  6. Admire her views often.
  7. Circulate erotic energy with him.
  8. Smell her.
  9. Taste her.
  10. Touch her all over.
  11. Hug and stroke his trees.
  12. Talk dirty to her plants.
  13. Swim naked in their waters.
  14. Lay on top of her, or let her get on top of you.
  15. Do a nude dance for her.
  16. Sing to her.
  17. Kiss and lick her.
  18. Bury parts of your body deep inside his soil.
  19. Plant your seeds in her.
  20. Love her unconditionally, even when she's angry or cruel.
  21. Keep them clean. Please recycle.
  22. Work for peace. Bombs really hurt.
  23. If you see her being abused, raped, exploited, protect her as best you can.
  24. Protect their mountains, waters, and sky.
  25. Vow to love and cherish the Earth until death brings you closer together forever.

If you would rather listen to the list, Annie and Beth read it aloud for you in the video below:

The amazing truth is that there are countless ways to make love to the Earth, far beyond those listed here. What are some ways that you show the Earth your love?

To find out more about Ecosexuality, visit The Ecosexuals or read the Ecosex Manifesto.

To read more of Annie and Beth's work, check out The Explorer's Guide to Planet Orgasm.

'25 Ways to Make Love to The Earth' image and video
reposted with permission from Annie Sprinkle & Beth Stephens.

Blog, Education

Sex And Pain: From Mitigation to Mastery

Sex and Pain

Sex and Pain:

From Mitigation to Mastery

by Jackie Velez

Sex and Pain

We here at As You Like It are in the business of pleasure. And as pleasure professionals, we know how difficult it can be when our pursuit of pleasure is interrupted by pain. But experiencing pain during sex is actually much more common than you might think!

It is estimated that around 75% of people with vaginas will experience sexual pain at some point in their lives. But for as prevalent as pain during sex is, there is surprisingly few conversations being had about it. Perhaps that’s why sexual pain can feel so isolating — society as a whole is still unwilling to have those kinds of open, honest conversations about sex.

But we talk about pleasure every day, and we’re happy to have this discussion, too. If you’re experiencing painful sex, we want you to know that you’re not alone. And you deserve to experience pleasure without pain! Pleasure and connection are basic human needs.

And sex shouldn’t hurt (unless you want it to, of course)!

Tackling Endometriosis, Pelvic, & Vaginal Pain

March is Endometriosis Awareness Month, which is what inspired us to have this conversation about sex and pain. For those who don’t already know, endometriosis is a condition where endometrial tissue grows outside of the uterus, and is one of the most common causes of pain during sex. It is estimated that up to 10% of people with vaginas suffer from endometriosis, and it is most frequently defined by pain during vaginal penetration, painful menstruation, and frequent pelvic or abdominal pain. Although an estimated 176 million people worldwide suffer from Endometriosis, diagnosis is rare, and treatment can sometimes take a long time to obtain.

It’s also important to note that while Endometriosis is surprisingly common, there are a plethora of other medical reasons that may cause painful sex. From nerve pain to vulvodynia to hormonal imbalances, sexual pain can be particularly hard to self-diagnose. For many vagina-owners who are experiencing intense or frequent sexual pain, professional medical advice may be necessary. Speak to your gynecologist about your symptoms, or consult a specialist, such as the Pelvic Wellness Center in Eugene.

It is also extremely common to find that sex has become painful after life changes, such as undergoing surgery, childbirth, or menopause. Especially after surgery, childbirth, or other large physical changes, make sure to consult your doctor or your gynocologist before participating in penetrative sex. If ever in doubt or pain, consider asking your doctor or gynecologist for advice.

And if you find that your doctor is doubting you or minimizing your symptoms, it may be time to start searching for a new doctor — one who takes your health seriously.

That being said, it’s important to understand that the pelvic floor and the vaginal canal are muscles, just like any other in our bodies. And like all of our other muscles, these muscles can become sore with overuse, stiff with underuse, or simply change naturally over time as we age. But the good news is that there are actions we can take to strengthen, loosen, and improve the strength and elasticity of those muscles over time.

Pelvic Floor Diagram

The pelvic floor is a hammock-shaped muscle that hangs between the base of our spine and the front of our pelvis. For context, this is the muscle that we tense or clench when we want to stop ourselves from urinating. This is also the muscle that clenches when we experience an orgasm. If you focus, you should be able to tighten and release this muscle, and feel it tense and then loosen with conscious effort. Focus on activating only the pelvic floor only; try not to clench the muscles in your abdomen, thighs, or buttocks. Remember to breathe, and make sure that you fully unclench the pelvic floor before tightening again. This is called a Kegel exercise! Think of it like a little workout for your orgasm muscle!

Experiencing pain during sex can sometimes mean that your pelvic floor is out of shape. If you’re looking for a way to help mitigate sexual pain (or if you just want stronger orgasms), you might consider trying a regime of kegel exercises! Try gently and slowly exercising your pelvic floor for a few minutes a day by consciously clenching and unclenching, and slowly increase your time from there as you feel comfortable. Just make sure not to rush yourself and fully relax your body between every clench — like any other muscle, overusing the pelvic floor can cause tension and stiffness. Like any new workout, it’s best to take it slow and listen to your body. If you find that doing kegel exercises cause you pain or make you feel more stiff, you might consider visiting a gynecologist or pelvic floor specialist for professional advice.

There are also several different tools that you can use to help make the most out of your workout. You may have heard of Kegel Balls before, which are essentially small weights for your vagina. The tension of holding a weighted item causes your vagina to clench, which can be helpful for those who need help identifying their pelvic floor, or who are seeking a more intense workout. Some kegel balls, like the Ami set by Je Joue and the Nova set by Svakom, come in sets. With these sets, you begin with the largest and lightest ball, because it is the easiest to hold in place. As your pelvic floor becomes stronger, your kegels will move down in size but up in weight. Other kegel balls, like Bloom by We-Vibe and the Elvie, are incredibly high-tech, and come with apps that help you track your progress and even turn your pelvic workout into a fun game! No matter what your level of kegel experience, there’s a toy for you.

  • Ami Progressive Pelvic Weights By Je Joue

    Easy to use and completely comfortable, you can try wearing Ami around the house at first, then venturing out….

  • Bloom Smart Vibrating Kegel Balls

    Toning and strengthening your PC muscles may help you climax more easily and with greater intensity. As your muscles get stronger, increase the intensity of your workout by using heavier weighted balls.

    Bloom is made with soft, body-safe silicone, so it’s comfortable to wear. It comes with three progressive weights (10 g, 30 g and 45 g) that are easy to interchange.

    With the free We-Connect™ app you can add pleasure by switching between preset vibes and customizing your own vibes. Your workout will never be boring with over 10 different powerful rumbly vibrations.

    $120.00 Add to cart
  • Elvie Intelligent Kegel Exerciser

    Elvie is the most personal trainer – motivating and correcting as users exercise, and tracking progress over time.

    In addition to being an award-winning exercise tracker for the pelvic floor, Elvie is one of our most requested kegel exercisers!

    $199.99 Add to cart
  • Nova Kegel Exercise Ball Set

    For daily exercise or postpartum recovery, Nova are the perfect choice for you.

    Inside of every Nova ball, there’s a built-in moving metal ball. As you walk, run or swim, the metal ball will collide with the inner surface, The sensation may be subtle, but the continual stimulation will help strengthen your pelvic muscle with your every move.

    Nova is made of silicone which is 100% waterproof. These balls were designed according to the kegel exercise theory especially to help rebuild pelvic strength after giving birth.

That being said, it’s important to understand that the pelvic floor and the vaginal canal are muscles, just like any other in our bodies. And like all of our other muscles, these muscles can become sore with overuse, stiff with underuse, or simply change naturally over time as we age. But the good news is that there are actions we can take to strengthen, loosen, and improve the strength and elasticity of those muscles over time.

The pelvic floor is a hammock-shaped muscle that hangs between the base of our spine and the front of our pelvis. For context, this is the muscle that we tense or clench when we want to stop ourselves from urinating. This is also the muscle that clenches when we experience an orgasm. If you focus, you should be able to tighten and release this muscle, and feel it tense and then loosen with conscious effort. Focus on activating only the pelvic floor only; try not to clench the muscles in your abdomen, thighs, or buttocks. Remember to breathe, and make sure that you fully unclench the pelvic floor before tightening again. This is called a Kegel exercise! Think of it like a little workout for your orgasm muscle!

Experiencing pain during sex can sometimes mean that your pelvic floor is out of shape. If you’re looking for a way to help mitigate sexual pain (or if you just want stronger orgasms), you might consider trying a regime of kegel exercises! Try gently and slowly exercising your pelvic floor for a few minutes a day by consciously clenching and unclenching, and slowly increase your time from there as you feel comfortable. Just make sure not to rush yourself and fully relax your body between every clench — like any other muscle, overusing the pelvic floor can cause tension and stiffness. Like any new workout, it’s best to take it slow and listen to your body. If you find that doing kegel exercises cause you pain or make you feel more stiff, you might consider visiting a gynecologist or pelvic floor specialist for professional advice.

For some people, especially people with nerve damage or lack of sensation, it can be difficult to manually identify and exercise the pelvic floor. One way that some pelvic therapists suggest for these people to still exercise their kegels is through electrotherapy. The Sizzling Simon is a penetrative toy that is equipped with e-stim capabilities, which also comes with a pelvic floor therapy mode.

Subtle electric shocks can manually cause the pelvic floor to clench, which allows those with limited sensation or muscle control engage in kegel therapy.

In addition, Sizzling Simon comes equipped with good old fashioned vibration, so it can be used as a vibrating toy or as a wellness device! Because pleasure is one of the best ways to fend off pain.

  • Sizzling Simon E-Stim Vibrator

    Pleasure can become truly electrifying with a toy like Sizzling Simon by Mystim!

    This unique toy combines the rumbling of vibration with the intense tingling of e-stim; both sensations offer different patterns and intensities to explore.

    • 8 vibration programs with 5 intensity levels
    • 5 e-stim programs with 10 intensity levels
    • Training program for the pelvic floor improves orgasmic ability
    • Medical grade silicone for a pleasant feeling and high skin friendliness
    • Especially quiet in spite of two powerful motors
    • Waterproof and also suitable for lusty hours in the shower and bathtub
    $170.00 Add to cart

If you are experiencing pain, but only during penetrative sex, this might be a clue that your pelvic floor has become too tense. In that case, doing kegels will likely only serve to increase pelvic tension. The good news is that there are lots of ways to potentially make penetration more comfortable.

If your goal is to be able to have penetration without pain, it can be very important to loosen the pelvic floor. One of the best ways to do this is with dilator sets. Dilator sets are a series of penetrative toys in gradually increasing sizes designed to help you slowly work up to penetration with larger objects. Most dilator kits start at a piece that is about the size of a finger, then gradually increase to a more average phallic size. The idea behind these kits is to begin getting the vagina used to penetration with the smaller pieces, then gradually moving up in size.

Another popular choice for dilation are the slim glass dildos by Crave. Because of their slender shape and incredibly smooth texture, many find these pieces to be more comfortable than standard dilator sets. You can use these glass dildos as internal massagers by gently rotating and moving them against the walls of the vagina to stimulate blood flow and encourage elasticity. Because glass holds temperature, you can also cool these glass toys down in a glass of cold water before use, making them like a soothing ice pack for your vaginal canal!

  • Deluxe Silicone Dilator 5 pc. Set

    Deluxe Silicone Dilator 5 pc. Set The comfortable tapered tips of these super-soft silicone dilators are designed for ease of insertion and ultimate comfort. The five graduated sizes allow a natural and effective transition and progression while the large bases add control and leverage. Use with a water-based lubricant. 100% Medical-grade Silicone Yellow: 2.83” x […]

    $95.00 Add to cart
  • Glass Dildos by Crave

    These elegant glass pieces can be used as both dildo and dilator! Simple, frictionless, and subtly shaped, these toys are everything you need and nothing you don’t.

    Engage in temperature play with these sturdy toys! Warm or cool them in water either soothing or sizzling sensations. The flawless glass makes these toys perfect for internal massage, dilation practice, or just plain pleasure!

    As if that wasn’t enough, these toys can also serve as gentle dilators that can help massage the internal walls of the vagina and deposit your favorite body-safe lubricant. And if you’re feeling sore after sex, you can cool this toy down with chilled water before inserting it. It’s like a soothing ice pack for your vaginal tissues. All this is what makes this a very popular pleasure tool for people experiencing menopause symptoms!

    $59.00 Select options
  • Silicone 4 Piece Dilator Kit

    This Silicone Dilator Set is carefully crafted for your comfort.

    Each vaginal dilator in this affordable 4-piece kit features a straight shape and rounded tip to avoid cervical irritation. Featuring’ heart-shaped bases for a cute, playful touch!

    With 4 differently sized dilators, starting at only 0.5 inches width, the Wellness Set lets you start small and move upward in size whenever you feel ready.

    $60.00 Add to cart
  • Silicone Dilator Kit 5pc

    This 5pc Dilator set is curved for comfort, and offers a variety of lengths and diameters to choose from.

    $70.00 Add to cart

If you are going to try dilating, make sure that you find a good body-safe lubricant to go with them! We recommend Aloe Cadabra's original, unscented formula for dilating, kegels, and treating post-menopausal tightness or dryness. Aloe Cadabra is a doctor-recommended, water-based lubricant that is over 95% organic aloe vera with no artificial flavors added, no harsh chemicals. Aloe Cadabra is also 100% edible and safe to use anywhere on the body. Best of all, because aloe has the magical ability to actually rebuild our body’s damaged or destroyed mucosal tissues, Aloe Cadabra actually helps your body to become better at creating its own moisture, in addition to moisturizing and replenishing the tissues upon application. So you can use Aloe Cadabra as a lubricant, or as a daily intimate moisturizer!

  • Aloe Cadabra Natural Organic Lubricant

    Aloe Cadabra is an all natural, body-safe personal lubricant made with more than 95% organic Aloe Vera!

    FDA cleared, Aloe Cadabra is edible and body safe. And since Aloe Cadabra rebuilds our body’s mucosal tissues, it helps us create more moisture naturally without chemicals.

    Aloe Cadabra is our best selling, staff-pick for water based lubricant!

    $13.00 Add to cart
  • OhNut Wearable Buffer

    75% of women will have painful sex in their lifetime. Whether you have Endometriosis, are Postpartum, Post-operation, (the list goes on) or just find penetration can get too deep easily, we are here to help you on the path to feel empowered!

    Worn externally at the base of a penetrating partner (e.g. on their shaft or on a toy), Ohnut compresses down to act as a soft buffer during sex.

    Each set comes with 4 linking rings that allow you to make simple adjustments, so you and your partner can not only discover comfort but also what depths feel really good—for both of you.

    $66.00 Add to cart

Finally, if you want to experience penetration from your partner while still maintaining control of the depth of penetration,  there is a new product on the market designed just for that. Meet OhNut, a soft, squishy buffer designed to be worn at the base of a penis to prevent penetration from going too deep. OhNut comes in two widths, so you can decide what size is right for you. Best of all, OhNut comes with four different stackable rings. That way, you can customize your penetration depth to the point where it is most comfortable for you. You can also use OhNut to help keep a condom safely in place. And the wearer also gets a luxuriously soft, slightly squeezy sensation out of the deal, too! Or, you can put it on your favorite toy to protect your cervix while you're playing solo. So if you like penetration, but need to be careful with the depth, consider giving OhNut a try!

It’s also important to remember that no matter what, you can still experience pleasure and intimacy without penetrative sex. While to some people, penetration is considered “the main event” of sex, the idea that penetration is the most valid form of sex is simply untrue. Anything that brings pleasure can be considered sex! So if penetration is too painful to be enjoyable, it may be best to simply take a break from that particular activity. You can consider it an opportunity to expand your idea of what sex means! Explore with clitoral play, mutual masturbation, oral sex, grinding, kink, or tantra. Launch an expedition to discover what brings you pleasure, and you’re likely to come back with lots of valuable personal pleasure knowledge.

Getting Sexy When You Have Chronic Pain

For some people, pain and pain management is a constant part of their life. Those who live with disabilities or chronic pain conditions will always experience a baseline of pain. But all bodies can take actions to manage pain levels and maximize pleasure in relation to their sex life!

Firstly, it’s important to remember that sex can look different for everyone. There is no “one-size-fits-all” model for sex, and anything that brings you pleasure is a valid way to fuck. Expand your definition of sex to include kissing, touching, and exploring sensation. Experiment to find out what activities, positions, and stimulation your body likes. Figure out how you feel most comfortable, relaxed, and able to tap into your sexual self. It can be difficult to feel sexual when you’re dealing with pain, but it’s important to remember that you deserve to experience pleasure, too.

You will know best how to manage your own pain. For some people, CBD can help to relax the body and relieve sore or tense muscles. Consider beginning your play sessions with a sensual massage. This will help you come back into your body and attune to the pleasurable sensations it can experience. And if you are interested, add a massage oil with CBD in it to help relieve soreness or inflammation. We recommend Hemp-Infused Massage Oil by CocoNu, which is a luxurious and moisturizing coconut oil base with CBD added for extra relaxation.

It can be helpful to minimize your necessary movement during sex. Set up your space before you start getting dirty! We suggest placing all your needed mobility aids, lube, toys, tools, water, and clean towels within arm’s reach. Creating a space where everything you need is readily available to you will not only help you to get into the mood, but also make the things you might need more easily accessible to you.

  • Hemp Infused Body Oil by Coconu

    Coconu Hemp infused Body oil combines all the goodness of coconut oil with the known benefits of CBD to soothe your body before, during, and after play.

    This silky, lightweight oil is the perfect multi-talker. Use it with massage to help nourish your skin, soothe pain and discomfort, increase sensation, and ease tension, so you can relax and enjoy being in your body.

    Whether you use it for sports massage, intimate massage, foreplay, of going all the way, Coconu Hemp infused Body oil is Better For(e) play.

    $35.00 Add to cart

It’s also critically important to be able to communicate your sexual needs with those who you are being sexual with, as well with the medical and caregiving professionals in your life. Get comfortable talking honestly with doctors and caregivers about how to best tend to your sexual health, and try to find medical and caregiving professionals who you can feel comfortable to talk honestly with and supported by. And of course, if you experience pain during sex and need to, you should speak up about it to your partner so they can help mitigate it! But more on that later.

The good news is that there are are plenty of toys, tools, tips, and tricks that exist specifically to help make your sex life as pain-free as it can possibly be!

One of the most helpful things we can recommend to minimize sexual pain is positioning aids. Liberator has an entire line of luxurious positioning aids, from dense pillows to offer additional support wherever you need it most, to toy mounts that allow you to have a hands-free experience with your favorite vibrator. With Liberator to rely on, you’re really only limited by your imagination!

There are also a variety of positioning aids that can help offer better control of your limbs during sex, minimizing spasms and preventing you from being bent into uncomfortable angles. Using the Positioning Strap by Sportsheets around your abdomen can make movement easier. You can also hold onto the loops to help increase your control and focus, while putting the loops around your legs can minimize body tension and help you stay in the position that you’re comfortable in. Another favorite by Sportsheets is the Door Jam Sex Sling, which has control straps for both the hands and feet and can be used to hold your body upright.

If you want to be the penetrating partner, but have limited mobility around your hips, there are also several different types of harnesses that can allow you to top comfortably. La Palma makes a dildo harness that you wear on your hand, perfect for those with dexterity issues. A thigh harness can be helpful to make some positions more accessible and maximize bodily mobility for some. We love the one by Sportsheets! You can also wrap a thigh harness around a pillow, creating a new, mountable way to play.

It can also be convenient to have a toy that you don’t have to hold or manually move. Kimi by VeDo is a dream toy for those with arthritis or grip problems! It comes with a small wrist-strap, and two small vibrating pads that sit on your fingertips. So you have vibration literally at your fingertips without having to hold onto anything! We-Vibe makes an entire line of toys for all bodies and body parts that can be controlled by a phone app — ideal if it is easier for you to simply put the toy in place and then control it conveniently from your phone.

  • Chorus C-Shaped Dual Vibrator

    Meet the most intuitive couples vibrator ever — with an adjustable fit, touch-responsive controls and hands-free vibrations that take sex to a whole new level. Worn during sex, Chorus adjusts to fit your body for just-right stimulation on both the clitoris and the G-spot.

    Chorus can be customized to fit your unique body so you can feel the vibrations right where you want them. The shape is easy to adjust, then stays in position once you’ve found the perfect fit.

    $200.00 Select options
  • Jive Wearable Vibe

    Jive by We-Vibe™ is a wearable hands-free G-Spot vibrator that’s comfortable to wear and whisper-quiet.

    Enjoy its powerful rumbly vibrations in the bedroom or wear Jive out and about to make everyday activities more exciting!

    The gentle shape is comfortable in any position: standing, sitting or laying down. Jive also pairs with the We-Connect app to allow you to play close together or from miles apart.

    $120.00 Add to cart
  • Pivot by We-Vibe

    The two of you, more than 10+ vibration modes, equals endless possibilities.

    $110.00 Add to cart
  • Vector Adjustable Prostate Vibrator

    Vector is a plug that can be customized to fit your body! With an adjustable head and flexible base, Vector targets both the prostate and perineum in comfort.

    Vector was designed in collaboration with leading prostate experts to be the ultimate prostate massager — every aspect was designed for the human body and your total comfort, safety and pleasure. Change intensity and vibration modes in the moment with the easy-to-use wireless remote or the We-Connect app. Play and share control of Vector from anywhere.

    $140.00 Add to cart
  • Le Wand Original Rechargeable Massager

    Deemed by Cosmopolitan Magazine as the “Most Powerful Sex Toy”, Le Wand Original Rechargeable Vibrating Massager is guaranteed to deliver intense and sensual pleasure.

    The luxurious body massager has 10 distinctive, rumbly vibration speeds and 20 vibration patterns. Le Wand’s sleek design provides focused vibration in the head of the wand. Powerful pleasure is granted in the convenient and versatile form of a rechargeable body.

    Le Wand features a body-safe silicone head, a flexible neck and a lengthy handle with easy-to-use controls that allows for smooth maneuvering. With its long-lasting charge capacity, this wand gives you 3 hours of continuous play time after 3 hours of charging.

    $180.00 Select options

Finally, remember that some of the earliest sex toys were actually back massagers that some very intelligent people reimagined to be used for sexual pleasure. In fact, one of the most popular vibrators of all time, the Magic Wand, was originally marketed as a massager for sore muscles. And while these kinds of massagers turned out to be amazing at delivering orgasms, remember that there’s no reason you can’t use them to help relieve your pain, too! If you have chronic body pain, consider treating yourself to a massager with a strong, rumbly motor that can serve multiple purposes — pain relief and pleasure. A long handle can be a convenient feature as well, to make sure that you can reach all your sensitive spots. For best vibrator-turned-body-massager, we recommend Doxy Die Cast or Le Wand Original. Those two large, powerful wand-style vibes are ideal for muscle-soothing and tension relief.

For sufferers of chronic pain, sex without pain may be an impossible pipe dream. But no matter what, there will always be ways to manage your pain and maximize your pleasure.

What To Do if You Experience Pain During Sex

In spite of our best efforts, it’s very likely that most of us will experience pain during sex at some point in our lives. So it’s very important that we know what to do when it happens!

First, communicate! It’s very important to find partners that are willing to listen to you, but it is equally important to be able to find your voice and speak up if something is wrong! Remember that your partner/s may be incredibly sensitive and attentive, but even they cannot possibly know how it feels to be in your body. So if something hurts, learn to speak up about it! Only then can you work together to find out how to mitigate the pain.

Some of the most common ways to help mitigate sexual pain are simple adjustments. If the pain is onset suddenly during sex, you can try a new position, a slower speed, or a different angle. Use trial and error to discover what works for you and what doesn’t. And if something just isn’t working, take a break and move onto something else! You can always come back and try that particular act again later.

If the pain appears to be topical, it’s possible that your skin is being irritated by something that’s present. You may be having a reaction to your lubricant or the barriers you’re using. Make sure that the lubricant and barriers that you choose to use are body-safe, free of allergens, and comfortable on your skin. Sometimes, shaving or waxing can irritate the skin as well. Our skin is sensitive, so make sure you treat it gently!

Sometimes, stopping sexual pain can be as simple as adding lubricant! When we have penetrative sex, the friction can cause us to chafe. Adding lube can create a cushion between our skin and the penetrating object, minimizing friction and protecting our sensitive skin from damage. Make sure to be aware of the ingredients in your lubricant! Our bodies are very individual and sensitive, and much of the lubricant on the market today includes ingredients that can actually dehydrate your cells and cause micro-tears. Choose something that is body-safe and soothing, and experiment until you find one that works for you.

If you are having trouble getting enough lubricant where it needs to be, there is a handy little device called a lube shooter that can make all the difference. Similar to a syringe, simply insert the tip into your favorite bottle of lubricant and pull the pump back to draw lube into the shooter. Then, you can easily insert the tip of the shooter either vaginally or anally and push down on the plunger to make sure that all the lubricant ends up inside, right where you need it.

  • Lube Launchers

    Get lubricant where you need it most, instead of smeared all over your skin or your sheets. No more mess!

    With this three-pack of lubricant shooters, you’ll be able to ensure that your favorite lubricant reaches its intended destination. Simply insert the end into your preferred lubricant and pull the plunger back to draw lube inside, then ready, aim, launch!

    $10.00 Add to cart

It’s important to remember that pain is our bodies’ way of sending us a message, and sometimes, pain is indicative of a more serious problem. Especially if your pain levels change drastically and rapidly, it is possible that there could be something wrong that requires medical treatment. If you are experiencing a burning pain when urinating, or skin irritation that comes with itching or painful sores, it is wise to be tested for a possible yeast infection or sexually-transmitted infection. When in doubt, it may be best to seek the help and advice of a medical professional that you trust.

Pleasure is as complex and unique to each individual as it is necessary; experiences that make us feel good are essential to living a complete and fulfilled life.

Unfortunately, pain can sometimes encroach on what makes us feel good. Pain is a necessary component to life as a human, and it is important that we listen to pain as the teacher and warning sign that it is. But there is no need to wallow in our pain, or to forego our pleasure because we are experiencing pain. So while we want to  make space for pain and pleasure to coexist, we also want to educate and encourage our dear readers to take all possible steps to experience a sex life with as little unwanted pain as possible. Because sex shouldn’t hurt. And you deserve a sex life that is satisfying, affirming, and filled with pleasure.


Love in the Modern World

Love 24 hrs

Love In the Modern World

The Celebration Valentine's Day Ought to Be

by Jackie Velez

note: this piece was originally published in the Eugene Weekly on February 14th, 2019.

modern love 24 hrs neon sign

St. Valentine’s Day is an extremely polarizing holiday.

To some, this is the most romantic day of the year. For them, it’s a day that they get to swoon over their sweetie unabashedly, and no one gets to tell them they are being sappy or over the top. But many others hate seeing the pink and red everywhere, the mass-produced heart-shaped gifts, and especially the insinuation that romance is everywhere and romantic love is king.

I’m not going to argue that any of those things are actually accurate. I’m not going to refute any of the arguments against the holiday; there’s plenty to critique. Valentine’s Day has been undeniably framed as a glorification of monogamous romantic love above all other kinds.

But what if we could reframe this holiday into a pure distillate of the sentiment behind it, untarnished by marketing and branding? What if we, as a community, rejected the heart-shaped Hallmark holiday ideas and instead reclaimed St. Valentine’s Day as a celebration of love in all of its forms?

We all have love in our hearts, no matter who or what it is directed toward.
I love my partner, but I also love my dog, my community and my world.

And I bet that if you thought about it for a moment, you would realize that there is a lot in this world that you feel love for, too. Some of us are lucky enough to have external loves in our lives — friends or family that we cherish, or a partner or partners who support us. And perhaps most important, we all have an intrinsic self-relationship that when cultivated correctly can create new love within ourselves.

St. Valentine was honored with a holiday representing love because he performed marriages that were forbidden by the state. Love was an act of rebellion at the time. Still today, as a society, we are not taught to put a high priority on our platonic loves. We are told that romance means that you are “more than” friends, and that being single means we are still searching for our “other half.”

We are not encouraged to love ourselves as complete, whole beings independent of our relationships. Instead, we are made to categorize love as a hierarchy, with romantic love valued above all else.


But I disagree. I believe that all love is powerful and transformational, not only romantic love between monogamous partners. And I think that to truly honor the spirit of St. Valentine, we should do so by honoring the love that is discredited by society’s idea of Valentine’s Day. Whether you are in a romantic relationship or not, you are a vessel of love. Your love for your friends, your world and yourself, is just as important to celebrate as any other form of love.

I’m not telling you to run out and buy a big bag of conversation hearts and organic local roses — unless you want to! Even if Valentine’s Day is a difficult day for you, I encourage you to spend a few moments on the 14th reconnecting with the love that you have inside of you.

We all give and receive love in our day-to-day life — indeed, that exchange of love is what makes life worth living.

It is very easy to go about life without really paying homage to the love
that you circulate. So just for one day, make a conscious effort to be
aware of and grateful for the love you receive, and to amplify that love
within yourself before turning it back out into the rest of the world.

And remember that even on your own, you still have access to the power of love. In a society that prioritizes romantic love, focusing on self-love is a rebellious act. That, more than anything else, is in the spirit of Valentine’s Day.

Blog, Product Reviews

AYLI’s 2020 Gift Guide

AYLI's 2020 Gift Guide

Welcome to The End of 2020!

Let's be honest: it's been a really long, hard year. And frankly, we could all use a little extra pleasure right now. So if you're looking for a great gift for a friend, a partner, or even yourself, here are our best suggestions. Each item on this gift guide is a hand-picked favorite of one of our wonderful staff.

You can browse according to your budget, or if you want to spoil someone really special to you, consider investing in one of our spotlighted items, one of our top items of the year.

Remember that you get free shipping on all orders over $50 when you enter the code justbecause at checkout. Or, people who live locally can select 'Local Pickup' at checkout for free curbside pickup of your gift.

Great Gifts Under $15

  • Organic Edible Body Butters

    Our body butters add flavor to delectable intimate moments, spicing it up organically!

    Offered in five delicious flavors! Choose from Chocolate, Chocolate-Orange, Orange Creamsicle, Peppermint Pattie and Vanilla! The all natural, all organic aromas and flavors combine to heighten and ripen the senses.

    Travel sized and naturally sweetened, As You Like It Body Butters are the perfect dessert for your sensual evening. Savor the sweetness!

    $12.00 $8.00 Select options
  • ‘Court of the Diverse Mermaids’ Coloring Book

    A  delightful coloring book full of 30+ original, diverse mermaids. Drawn by Ashland Author Micah BlackLight.

    A wonderful de-stressing tool for accessing your creativity while simultaneously celebrating the diverse range of body types, weights, hairstyles, ages and ethnicities on display herein. An excellent gift for the mermaid aficionado as well as the person who’s always wanted to see alternative examples of mermaids.

    $15.00 Add to cart
  • Creative Kisses Card Game

    If you want to spice up your love life, now you can in a fun and easy way with Creative Kisses.

    Simply select a card from this creative and romantic game for a new creative way to give your lover a kiss. There will never be another dull moment in your love life with these fun kissing ideas in your arsenal of love.

    $7.00 Add to cart
  • ‘I’m a Fucking Unicorn’ Enamel Pin

    The perfect statement piece to tell the world that You’re A Fucking Unicorn!

    Beautiful colors, big bold letters, and a glitter finish make this pin truly one of a kind.

    This soft enamel pin comes with two attachment posts for optimal fastening security. That way, you’ll never lose this pin from your jacket, bag, or backpack!

    $12.00 Add to cart

Onda by Lora diCarlo

" If you're looking for the ultimate g-spot vibe, Onda is the one to beat! The incredible finger-stroke sensation created by the kinetic micro-robotics is

totally unique, delivering intense, focused pressure

exactly where you need it most. The stoke is totally customizable in length and speed, so you can explore and find your body's ideal touch. Best of all, the shape and size is perfect - not too big, but not too small. Not too curved, but not too straight. And the firmness allows you to explore all kinds of new angles. This is the ideal toy to lead your g-spot or squirting exploration!"

- Jackie, AYLI Team Member

Great Gifts Under $30

  • Cotton Bondage Rope 30 ft

    30 Feet of Rope!

    Super soft cotton that won’t chafe the skin, ideal for long-term wear. Available in three beautiful colors.

    $20.00 Select options
  • Crimson Kiss Battery Operated Bullet

    This perfectly powerful, pocket sized, bullet vibe comes in a sleek and sexy shade of red.

    As a battery operated toy, this bullet by Rocks Off is the perfect option for someone on the go!

    $25.00 Add to cart
  • Seagrape Apothecary Massage Candle

    Soy Massage Candles are a fantastic way to give and receive a warm body massage.

    Soy wax burns at a lower temperature then beeswax and can be poured directly on the skin if a sensual massage is desired.

    The soothing ingredients will leave cracked, dry skin feeling softer then ever.

    These candle works wonders on overworked hands and feet.

    $19.00 Select options
  • Positioning Strap with Handles

    This incredibly versatile soft padded positioning strap by Sportsheets has two handles to grip and pull, helping with balance and improving angle.

    When in doggy-style, this strap upgrades the angle of penetration from 90 to 45 degrees. The seemingly simple design targets several aspects of your and your lover’s needs. Bring greater ease, intensity, and satisfaction to the tried-and-true classic position.

    Ideal for couples dealing with injuries or fatigue in the hips, back, or knees, this quick fix can transform your sex life and restore tension and connection.

    $25.00 Add to cart

UVee Ultraviolet Sanitizer

" This is the year I think we all became really aware of our personal hygiene practices. I first brought the UVee home to sanitize all my sex toys, but in 2020, I ended up using it every single day! It's the most convenient way to

quickly and easily sanitize everything I handle a lot,

especially when I leave the house. I especially love that it's a big enough size for all my stuff - my phone, my keys, my wallet, my credit cards, everything! It's super fast, only requiring ten minutes to kill 99% of germs. Eve though I originally got it fr toys, it gives me such peace of mind to know that all of my most frequently-touched items are all actually clean. "

- Emerson, AYLI Team Member

Great Gifts Under $50

  • Out of Stock

    Playtime Dual Density Dildo

    This 100% platinum silicone dual density dildo is soft on the outside with a firm core for a realistic feeling. This 5 inch dildo features a suction cup base and is harness compatible.  It is available in 3 skin tones, pink, and black.

  • Bump Vibrating Anal Plug

    Bump is a rechargeable anal plug that slides into action with an extremely powerful motor.

    Boasting 10 supercharged vibration modes, this plug takes no prisoners. Specifically designed for easy insertion with just enough girth and a long thin shaft to make this toy ready to rock.

    Don’t be afraid to get wet and wild, because it’s completely water submersible!

    $45.00 Add to cart
  • Hog Tie and Cuff Set by Sportsheets

    Let your imagination run wild with this versatile hogtie kit!

    Four durable yet comfortable Sportsheets cuffs allow for a myriad of positions only limited by your dirty mind. Perfect for beginners or experienced bondage enthusiasts, this leather-free set includes the hogtie center connector and 4 detachable cuffs.

    Made with heavy-duty hardware, each hook clasps easily onto the D-rings of the hogtie. Alternately, the adjustable velcro cuffs can be used on their own as handcuffs and ankle cuffs.

    The 5 Piece Hog Tie & Cuff Set can be used in the front or behind the back depending on what you have in mind for the evening. Sturdy yet quick to remove, this product creates quick and easy ways to restrain your partner.

    $40.00 Add to cart
  • No Straight Lines: Queer Comics

    For the first time, the entire spectrum of four-plus decades of queer cartooning is collected under one cover.

    Featuring groundbreaking crossover successes like Alison Bechdel, Howard Cruse, Eleen Forney, Dan Savage and David WOnjnarowicz. Additionally,  international superstars like Ralf König and Nazario and dozens of other cartoonists who have rarely been read outside the greater queer community. Editor Justin Hall has assembled an invaluable piece of comics history and LGBTQ culture.

    These comics have forged their aesthetics from the influences of underground comix, gay erotic art, punk zines, and the biting commentaries of drag queens, bull dykes, and other marginalized queers. They have analyzed their own communities, and their relationship with the broader society. They are smart, funny, and profound. No Straight Lines will be heralded by people interested in comics history, and people invested in LGBT culture will embrace it as a unique and invaluable collection.

    $35.00 Add to cart

Pulse Duo Vibrating Sleeve

" I think this is definitely the coolest stroker I've come across. It's a totally singular experience! The unique tapping feeling of the small oscillating plate mixed with the overall vibration of the sleeve feels so nice. It's a

really deep, thuddy sensation that's like no other!

What's really cool about Pulse is that it's specifically designed to stimulate more blood flow and increase sensitivity to the penis, but doesn't actually require an erection to be used! And the sensations feel just as good regardless of how erect the person using it is. Adding Pulse to oral creates an amazing experience, and the vibrating underside makes it very easy to share the stimulation with a partner. It brings foreplay to the next level! "

- Del, AYLI Team Member

Great Gifts Under $100

  • Heart Wedge Position Pillow by Liberator

    Contoured with the behind in mind; this wedge is ideal for g-spot and deeper penetration.

  • Starsi Cute Little Fucker Vibrator

    Meet Starsi! Starsi comes from a starsun, a planet covered in fire, so Starsi loves the warmth of your body.

    Starsi makes a great vibrator for all surfaces, from genitals to chests, between and beyond.

    The curves on Starsi’s back make an ideal grip, easily palmed in your hand. Transfemme vibrator seekers with genital dysphoria tend to enjoy Starsi for Starsi’s ability to cover genitalia with a gently curved vulva-like feel, allowing us to map new genitalia and euphoria in our own mind.

    You don’t have to be transfemme to discover Starsi’s pleasures though. Starsi is a sweet and sensual friend for all!

    $79.00 Add to cart
  • Niki Remote-Controlled Vibe

    Niki is the most discreet and comfortable panty vibe on the market!

    Sleek, sexy and silky smooth, this oh so cute vibe is slightly flexible, so it molds perfectly to your body. That’s right, it’s beautifully bendable and designed to fit your shape the way a panty vibe should…comfortably.

    Powered by 10 vibration modes with 6 intensity levels, this panty vibe is always ready to tease and please your hot spot. Niki is completely submersible. USB rechargeable, cable included.

  • Magnetic Bunny Tail Glass Plug

    If you’re not a fan of real fur, we are so happy to introduce these adorable faux fur bunny tails!

    Plush and perky, these tails are made from high quality faux fur, so you can go fur-free without sacrificing the quality.

    Each fuzzy bunny tail comes magnetically attached to our classic Crystal Delights glass butt plug.

    Fun, fluffy, and perfect for petting, our tails also make adorable role playing accessories. No matter what, they are sure to leave you bright eyed and bushy tailed!

We-Vibe Smart Wand

" Anyone who knows me knows that I love a good bath, so the fact that this wand is fully submergible is what makes it my pick. I love that the subtle, arched shape gives very gentle vibration on the handle, making this the ideal wand if you have any mobility or grip issues in your hands. I also really love the two amazing, body-safe attachments it comes with: one is

like a million little tongues moving all over your body,

and the other is perfectly sized to use as a stroker for a penis. It can be controlled by app, and it's so much fun to draw your own totally unique vibration patterns to play with. All this versatility is why this wand really is the best toy that couples can get themselves, regardless of their anatomy! "

- Kim, AYLI Owner & Founder

We hope that you like our selections! And if we forgot to include your top 2020 pick, drop a comment down below to let us know what awesome pleasure product we neglected to mention!

Most importantly, thank you to all of our customers, loyal supporters, and our community. We couldn't have made it through 2020 without your help, and we are so incredibly grateful for you all.

We at the As You Like It team want to wish you a safe and happy holiday season. Remember to take care of each other through the long winter. Better days are coming soon! And we will be there to celebrate them with you.

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Blog, How To, Uncategorized

What Place Does Pleasure Have in an Emergency?

Orange flowers grow from black charred wood

What Place Does Pleasure Have in an Emergency?

Written by Emily Athena

If you live anywhere on the west coast, chances are you are or were close to a fire or socked in with smoke. To our nervous system, this is an emergency. Being afraid or uneasy is an appropriate response to these conditions. We are evolutionarily hardwired to engage with (fight), run away from (flee), or disassociate from (freeze) threats, and fires and smoke are most definitely threats to our survival.

However, at this very moment most likely you are somewhat OK, otherwise you probably wouldn’t be reading this. While you might know that intellectually, your body could still be on high alert. How do you tell your body that despite these dangerous conditions, you are OK?

There are more nerve pathways running from the body to the brain than the brain to the body, which means that telling yourself you are OK via speech or thought is not the most efficient way to communicate with your body. Most bodies respond more readily to changes in feeling. Then the question becomes, how do you change how you feel during a time of emergency?

3 ways: External orientation, body attention, and pleasure!

First, look around. Let your eyes leave the screen and wander through the space you are in. Can you see that despite what’s happened, your current surroundings are a safe place to be? Let your eyes register what is safe and pleasant about where you are. Take your time with this. You can even name the safe things in your environment to yourself (soft blanket, green houseplant, tea kettle, etc). Do you notice any changes to your breath, body, or thoughts by simply looking around? External orientation informs your body that in this exact moment, you are safe where you are.

Being vigilant about staying informed is an appropriate response during an emergency, but it can get overwhelming. If you feel overwhelmed, see if you can take a mini-break from the information hunt and instead notice your body. 

  • Can you feel your body?
  • Can you feel your lower body?
  • Can you feel the effect of gravity on your body or maybe where your body makes contact with the support beneath you or ground below you?
  • Can you feel a place or sensation in your body that feels pleasant? If not pleasant, neutral?

Focus on that for as long as your attention will let you. Again notice if there are any changes in your breath, body, or thoughts by doing this. Maybe all you feel is grief. That’s OK. Can you feel the aliveness in feeling such a profound emotion and perhaps the relief of releasing tears if that’s what wants to happen?

Taking in even the smallest bits of pleasure makes more space within us to handle adversity. It strengthens our wherewithal to withstand stress. What stress drains in us, pleasure replenishes.

Pleasure is anything that feels good. Think about the simple, embodied, everyday pleasures that are readily available to you. Orient toward those things that bring you more in touch with the feeling of pleasure in your body as opposed to numbing out and escaping. You probably already experienced this by looking around your space and noticing your body. Some other examples include laughter from watching comedy, connecting with loved ones, helping out or volunteering, sharing a meaningful conversation, smile or hug, cuddling, listening to your favorite music, dancing, positive imagery, eating your favorite food, self-pleasure, sex, etc.

All of it counts, even 10 seconds of feeling a little bit better than terrible is a respite for your nervous system. Engaging in pleasure is not selfish, frivolous, or escapist. You do not need to do anything to deserve it. Pleasure is a healing resource and a necessary part of living through an emergency. Engage with it and gently encourage others too as well. Our communities will be stronger for it, for when we are connected to pleasure we are kinder, more present, and more available to those around us.

Blog, Education

Enjoying Sex as We Age

Enjoying Sex as We Age

How to be a Sage

Written by Jane Steckbeck

“It takes most people decades to reach their full sexual potential. Although our culture equates ripe sexuality with youth, true sexual maturity is often accompanied by soft bellies, gray hair and wrinkles…[t]he best lovers are sages—mature people who are able to act in alignment with their authentic self and to be in ongoing, conscious connection with others.

-- Sheri Winston, “Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure.”

While our cultural training may disagree, my experience with clients in their 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and yes, even 80’s, and with workshop participants (having attended over 40 workshops on Love, Intimacy and Sexuality), and with people who attend my public talks and classes, a lot of people over 50 are having passionate, connective and rich sex lives.

I can assure you that having a fulfilling sex life after 50 is entirely possible—if that is something you want. This post will cover a few practices that are common amongst sages and will offer “empowerment reframes” for anyone who wants to experience passion, pleasure and intimacy after 50.

1. A sage recognizes that great sexual intimacy is NOT dependent on intercourse. Sages understand that shared pleasure can include oral sex, hand stimulation, long cuddle sessions, erotic massage, sensation play…and much more! While important for procreation, intercourse is absolutely NOT necessary for sharing pleasure or experiencing orgasm. Finding ways to share intimate touch without the goal (or pressure) of intercourse and “performance” can provide couples countless ways to connect sexually.

Empowerment Reframe: I am a beautiful, sensual and sexual person no matter my age. I can experience pleasure in many ways and am eager to explore new ways of sharing pleasure with my partner.

2. A sage appreciates that his/her aging body may have wrinkles, sags or extra weight, but he/she is comfortable with such changes. A sage understands that we are sexual beings from birth to death and good sexual connectivity does not depend on our weight, skin tone, or other external factors. A negative body image certainly tanks libido whereas self-confidence and a steadfast belief in our worthiness as a sexual partner can keep us engaged and savoring the vitality we experience though sexual connectivity.

Empowerment Reframe: I am worthy of pleasure, sensual and sexual touch regardless of how my body looks.


3. A sage knows that it is worthwhile to cultivate libido by engaging with erotic stimuli and/or agreeing to show up for sex even if not initially “in the mood.” Low libido can be a serious impediment to enjoying sexual connectivity—and yet, what is a primary goal of sex? For many, it is connection and sharing intimacy. A sage recognizes that if he or she wants intimate connection, then seeking erotic stimuli and showing up for sex is vital. Remember, more people than not experience responsive desire as opposed to spontaneous desire—which means that we have to expose ourselves to erotic stimuli to become aroused—then desire follows. Follow this link to my recent blog post about responsive desire and this link for ideas for how to awaken libido at any age.

Empowerment Reframe: I can mindfully awaken my desire by seeking out erotic stimuli (erotica, ethical porn, podcasts, romance books, etc.). I understand that the more I have sex, the more I will want to have sex!


4. A sage understands that self-pleasure is an important component of retaining vital sexuality as we age. We are first and foremost our own sexual partners and not having a sexual partner does not need to derail your sex life! Masturbation is a primary form of sexual expression and can help us retain deep connectivity with our sexual energy and ourselves. For people over 50, masturbation is even more important for a multitude of reasons: it helps us retain healthy blood flow to genitals, keeps us interested in sex and can keep us informed about how our sexual response is changing. Mother Culture has given masturbation a terrible rap—I encourage everyone to re-think this one.

Empowerment reframe: Whether partnered or not, I have a robust self-pleasure practice and enjoy my solo sexuality a great deal. If I do find a partner, I’m ready to play. If not, I’m happy with my sex life!


5. A sage problem-solves around issues that are age related, like painful intercourse. For many post-menopausal women, this is an absolute reality—it certainly was for me until I found a solution—and fortunately, there are solutions. Any woman experiencing pain with intercourse should consider the following:

1) Visit your GYN to ensure that your pain is due to menopausal changes and nothing more;
2) Consider pelvic floor physical therapy or massage; in Eugene, we’re fortunate to have the Pelvic Wellness Center and Sage Red Healing to help;
3) If you want to work with vaginal health on your own, try the Vaginal Renewal Program through “A Woman’s Touch: Sexuality Resource Center.”
4) With your health care provider’s guidance, consider using a topical estrogen product. Personally, I found tremendous relief from painful intercourse with Bezwecken Cubes, which provide a low-dose of bio-identical estriol.
5) Look into the OhNut, a fabulous new product that allows women to control the depth of intercourse. Check out this review for a first-hand description of how it can work!

Empowerment reframe: I can have intercourse without pain. It may take some effort to get there, but if I want this, I can make it happen. I will not have intercourse if it hurts!

  • OhNut Wearable Buffer

    75% of women will have painful sex in their lifetime. Whether you have Endometriosis, are Postpartum, Post-operation, (the list goes on) or just find penetration can get too deep easily, we are here to help you on the path to feel empowered!

    Worn externally at the base of a penetrating partner (e.g. on their shaft or on a toy), Ohnut compresses down to act as a soft buffer during sex.

    Each set comes with 4 linking rings that allow you to make simple adjustments, so you and your partner can not only discover comfort but also what depths feel really good—for both of you.

    $66.00 Add to cart
  • Silicone 4 Piece Dilator Kit

    This Silicone Dilator Set is carefully crafted for your comfort.

    Each vaginal dilator in this affordable 4-piece kit features a straight shape and rounded tip to avoid cervical irritation. Featuring’ heart-shaped bases for a cute, playful touch!

    With 4 differently sized dilators, starting at only 0.5 inches width, the Wellness Set lets you start small and move upward in size whenever you feel ready.

    $60.00 Add to cart
  • Unscented Vulva Balm

    This soothing and hydrating balm is made with nourishing butters and oils, and without any essential oils for those who desire their personal care to be unscented. Please note that this balm smells primarily of cocoa butter.

    Formulated for women experiencing dryness due to menopause or other hormonal shifts, this balm may also be used for personal scenting, after shaving, or as a personal lubricant.

    $20.00 Add to cart
  • When Sex Hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Banishing Sexual Pain

    Did you know that 20 million women suffer from painful intercourse? 

    Did you know that as many as 40% of those women will not seek medical care?

    Now, three experts in the field of sexual pain and women’s sexual health address the myths, realities and stereotypes of sexual pain in this easy to read book.

    $13.95 Add to cart

6. A sage recognizes that our bodies may take longer to experience arousal and orgasm…and that taking time is perfectly acceptable. I hear women raise the concern that they take “too long” to experience orgasm, so they can’t possibly expect a partner to “work that hard.” Oh, my. Actually, you can ask for this and you’re worthy. There is such a cultural belief, mostly held by women, that if it takes “too long,” it’s not ok. (God forbid a woman’s pleasure requires some genuine effort on behalf of her partner…) Here’s how it can be made easier: use erotica to stimulate arousal and sex toys to stimulate the vulva. Sex toys (vibrators) help bring blood flow to the genitals and can facilitate orgasm. When used with a partner, the vibrator can do the heavy lifting—and guys, a vibrator will never replace you. Most women want loving connectivity with their partners. Use of a vibrator together can foster connectivity while delivering results without anyone working too hard. For a great resource on understanding female arousal, check out Sheri Winston’s “Women’s Anatomy of Arousal.”

Empowerment reframe: My partner and I can learn to use erotica and sex aids (toys) to help stimulate my arousal response and achieve orgasm. I’m worth the effort and my pleasure and orgasms are as important as my partner’s.


  • Naked at Our Age

    Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex

    $18.00 Add to cart
  • Sex After Grief by Joan Price

    Sex after Grief is the first book to address sex and grief together and treat sex as a normal, positive, life-affirming part of emerging from such a difficult time.

    Joan Price, the top expert on senior sex, draws on her own experiences as a widow since 2008, when she lost the love of her life to cancer. She shares her raw grief journey, sexual reawakening (and the many stumbles along the way), and attempts to dip back into dating, along with excellent advice on handling each step.

    $17.00 Add to cart
  • The Menopause book

    The Menopause Book is the must-have book for anyone nearing or experiencing menopause. Using up-to-date research, this book is essential for anyone wanting to take charge of their health.

    $19.95 Add to cart
  • The New Love and Sex After 60

    You may be getting older but love and sex are still a vital part of your life. Here is the book that speaks to your concerns about sex beyond the middle years.

    Two leading experts have completely updated and revised the classic guide on the subject to address the needs of our changing world in the new millennium. Because a vibrant and satisfying sex life has no age ceiling!

    $17.00 Add to cart

In my experience, people over 50 who want to have passionate sex lives can indeed have them. It takes bucking our cultural training, flexible thinking, the willingness to problem-solve, a positive self-image and the belief that we’re worthy of sexual connectivity and pleasure. Be a sage and enjoy sexual intimacy at any age!

This piece was originally published on Jane Steckbeck's website. Read it in its original context here.
Blog, Education, How To

Your Guide to Anal Adventures

Anal August: Every Body's Got a Booty

What comes to mind when you think about anal sex? For many people, the idea of anal play conjures some unpleasant reactions. Some have had negative experiences with previous attempts, and some have negative connotations about what butt stuff is like, or the kinds of people who might want it. But the truth is that anal is an option for everybody who wants to participate in it -- every body’s got a booty, after all!

No matter what you may believe, safe, pleasurable, and fun anal play is within reach. Your anal session probably won’t look like it does in porn, but trust us, that’s a good thing. Anal scenes in pornography often skip over the extremely important setup and foreplay that safe and pleasurable anal sex requires, and skip over most of the safety and hygiene practices that are required. Simply put, porn exists to turn us on, not to teach us.

But don’t worry; that’s what we’re here for! Here, we will walk you through the process -- from before you begin, to after you’re finished. We encourage anyone who is looking to get into anal to keep an open mind! You may have preconceived notions or personal fears about anal sex, and it’s important to work through those feelings if you want to have a good anal experience. Everyone’s anal adventure is different, because every body is different! So keep an open mind, listen to your body, and pay special attention to what feels good. Remember, the purpose of all play is pleasure!

So with that in mind, let’s get into it:


Let’s begin by talking about butts themselves! If we want to please that part of our bodies, it’s important to know the anatomy we’re working with. On the outside, there are lots of ultra-sensitive nerve endings that can be stimulated in a myriad of ways. The perineum -- or the area between the anus and genitals -- is a haven for nerve endings. Often, this area enjoys being stimulated with pressure or gentle massage.

The opening of our anus itself is also packed with sensitive nerve endings. Many people think that anal play must include penetration of some kind, but that is absolutely not true! Rimming -- the act of stimulating the anus externally using mouth, fingers, or a vibrating toy -- is a sensation that many enjoy. If you’re considering trying anal stimulation but feeling a little hesitant or uncertain, rimming and other kinds of external play is a great way to start exploring!

The inside of the anus is defined by two rings of muscle. The external ring we can consciously control, and it is this muscle that we use when we bear down or clench our anal muscles. However, the internal ring is more complex. We cannot consciously control our inner anal ring; it tightens or relaxes subconsciously, and is often affected by our mood. For example, if we are feeling nervous or afraid, that muscle will tighten. Trying to force entry through this ring when it’s too tight can cause extreme pain, which is why many people have negative experiences with trying anal penetration. Instead of moving too quickly or rushing to penetration, we must slowly coax our bodies into relaxing. This can mean waiting until we are relaxed, working to change our mindset and giving our bodies time to follow, giving our bodies other kinds of pleasure to relax it manually, or even having an orgasm before trying anal penetration!

Within the body is the rectum, which is the area that will be occupied with toys or body parts when we experience penetration. The rectum contains within it a huge amount of nerves, making it extremely sensitive. Sensations of friction and fullness often create pleasure internally. For some bodies, the rectum is also the place to access the prostate. The prostate is a walnut-sized gland that most penis-owners have, and is located a few inches inside the anus on the inside wall of the rectum. Many prostate-owners find that stimulating the prostate, either with fingers, penises, or toys, gives them extreme pleasure that can lead to orgasm. For bodies without prostates, anal penetration can stimulate the g-spot -- or even the clitoris -- from a different angle, leading to different pleasurable sensations.

No matter your anatomy, the anus is full of sensitive nerves. Anal play is all about learning how best to stimulate them!


Humans have evolved to use tools, and there are a few items that we suggest to help you as you engage in your anal exploration.

First -- and most importantly -- lube! Because the rectum doesn’t produce its own lubrication (unlike the vagina), it’s critically important that any anal activity is supplemented with ample amounts of lube. There are many different kinds of lubricant out there, and what you use is largely dependent on personal preference, and the materials of toys you would like to use. For rimming, many people enjoy a flavored water-based lube. Many use coconut oil for external play and digital anal penetration, because it is long-lasting, slippery, and protects the sensitive skin cells of the anus and rectum. For penetration with toys, a hybrid lubricant or a very thick water-based lubricant may be preferred, depending on the material of the toy. For penetration with a penis, silicone lubricant will last the longest and provide the smoothest glide. Experiment with several different kinds of lubricant to see what your body responds to best! Just be careful to check the ingredients to ensure they are non-toxic, body-safe, and compatible with whatever toys you want to use.

While it can be difficult to get lubricant inside the body, lube shooters make that process easier. Similar to a syringe, the shooter utilizes a plunger to draw lube inside, and features a small spout that allows you to deposit the lube internally with ease. Don’t be stingy with lubricant, either -- make sure you’re applying plenty, and re-applying often.

Many people like to use toys for anal stimulation. The most important thing when looking for toys to stimulate your booty is to make sure that it has a flared base. Unlike the vagina, the rectum does not have a set end point, meaning that toys without a flared base run the risk of being pulled into the body and getting stuck. In the worst cases, it can require a hospital visit to remove stuck items. 

Toys that are designed with this flared base for anal stimulation are often called 'butt plugs.' Plugs come in a wide range of sizes and shapes. From plugs that are smaller than the average index finger, to much larger inner-band training plugs, there is a plug for every body and every experience level. Straight plugs will help you get used to the sensation of “fullness” commonly associated with anal penetration, while curved plugs are often designed to put pressure against the prostate. Explore and experiment to find what size and shape is right for you! You can also use anal beads, which are toys that gradually increase in size along their length. Beads help to slowly help your body stretch to accept penetration. When removed slowly, beads teach your body to relax and slowly open. In addition, there are many different anal training toy sets, typically consisting of multiple toys in gradually increasing sizes. These sets are particularly helpful if you hope to work your way from the beginner level into larger toys, or penetration with a dildo or a penis. 

 Many people use plugs to prepare their bodies for penetration, while others wear plugs during other sex acts for additional stimulation. Some plugs vibrate for an extra kick of sensation. Plugs can be made of glass, stainless steel, aluminum, or body-safe silicone, and each material has different benefits and creates different sensations. When choosing an anal toy, personal preference is paramount, and the possibilities are endless!

  • Lube Launchers

    Get lubricant where you need it most, instead of smeared all over your skin or your sheets. No more mess!

    With this three-pack of lubricant shooters, you’ll be able to ensure that your favorite lubricant reaches its intended destination. Simply insert the end into your preferred lubricant and pull the plunger back to draw lube inside, then ready, aim, launch!

    $10.00 Add to cart
  • Lil’ Flirt Plug

    Introducing the Improved Tantus Little Flirt! Now with a comfortable between-the-cheeks base and velvety soft texture.

    The Little Flirt is barely a pinky width at the tip and only a finger width at the center, a petite 0.8″ wide by 3.35″ long, making it the perfect introduction to anal play. Adding the long neck helps the plug stay put and keeps the Little Flirt one of the best anal toys for beginners.

  • Coconut Oil-Based Organic Lubricant

    Coconu is a Coconut Oil-Based lubricant that will stimulate your senses for deeply satisfying sexual experiences while the organic ingredients provide real, natural health benefits.

    Its long-lasting formula is designed to protect and moisturize dry or sensitive vaginal and anal tissues. It’s USDA-certified organic formula is 100% edible, works great as a massage oil and doesn’t contain any alcohol, petroleum, parabens, gluten, fragrances or dyes.

    Available in a 3oz/89mL bottle.

    $25.00 Add to cart
  • Anal Training and Education Kit

    Explore the joys of anal play with the new b-Vibe Anal Training Kit & Education Set.

    Going from zero to penetration is a big no-no. That’s where our anal training kit comes in — Anal training means taking the time, care, and vital steps to prepare your body for anal sex. We believe that education is the key to enjoy anal play. So we are featuring this 7-piece set to equip you with everything you need to safely prepare for anal penetration.

    $150.00 Add to cart

Hygiene & Safety

One of the main reasons that some people are hesitant to try anal play is due to their conceptions of anal hygiene. It’s important to note that while anal sex does involve the part of the body where fecal matter comes from, and it’s possible to encounter some during anal play, it’s unlikely that you will encounter a lot. Because fecal matter is not actually stored in the rectum, and only moves into the rectum when we actively have to defecate, the area we are playing with should be mostly clean. Lifestyle, diet, and physical or digestive abilities will have an effect on the body, and it’s best to know your body well before engaging in anal play.

But if you are concerned about hygiene, there are a few steps that you can take to make sure your experience is as clean as possible:

You should always go to the bathroom and empty your bowels 30-60 minutes before engaging in anal play. Once your bowels are empty, you can wash the outside of your body with gentle soap and water. Hypoallergenic baby wipes are also very helpful for pre-play cleanup!

If you desire extra cleanliness, you may enjoy a gentle enema 1-2 hours before engaging in anal play. There are simple bulb-styles that are easy to use in the restroom, as well as in-shower options to work into your bathing routine. We suggest using warm water only; our booties don’t respond well to chemicals, perfumes, or strong soap.

Remember never to use the same object to stimulate the vagina or the mouth that was just in contact with the anus or rectum without washing up, first. This means no moving from anal penetration to vaginal or oral penetration with the same toy or body part, unless you wash it first. If you’ve been using your fingers to stimulate someone anally, make sure you wash your hands before moving on to other sensitive anatomy. Failure to keep our tools clean will spread bacteria and encourage infections in both ourselves and our partners. When in doubt, pause and wash up!

If the idea of running to the sink between every act isn’t appealing, barriers are a wonderful help! Barriers do more than make your sex safer, they also make it more hygenic. If you want to use a toy without stopping to clean it up afterward, you can simply place a condom over the toy. Then when you’re ready, remove it for instant cleanup! If you use your fingers to stimulate the anus or rectum, you can always wear gloves. That way, you can simply remove the gloves when you’re finished instead of stopping to wash your hands. Gloves can also introduce a different sensation, and the application of gloves can become a very erotic part of your scene-setting. If you’re worried about your bed, you may choose to lie a towel down beneath your hips to protect your space from any mess that might occur, and help to streamline cleanup.

Remember that all kinds of sex have the potential to get messy. Mess is a part of life! If you do get messy during sex -- whether while participating in anal or any other act -- just keep calm, and clean up! You may be able to get back into a sexy mood after a quick shower, and continue participating in other kinds of play. Or you may be turned off enough by the mess that you need to end the scene if it gets too messy, and that’s ok, too! You are the only person who gets to set your boundaries, and decide when to stop.

  • Anal Massage and Education Kit

    Combine the rumbling pleasure of vibrating massage with the thrilling fun of anal play in this Anal Massage and Education Kit. Perfect for those exploring the world of anal stimulation, solo or partnered, as well as including all the essentials needed for simple fun!

    $200.00 Add to cart
  • Fascinator Waterproof Throw by Liberator

    Save the sheets for sleeping!

    The Fascinator Waterproof Throw by Liberator is made of extraordinarily soft microfiber with an inner moisture barrier that ensures your bedding stays spotless.

    These supremely plush throws are specially designed to create a soft, delicate playscape for your wettest erotic adventures while the inner barrier keeps your bedding dry.

    Toss it on top of sheets, sofas, and any fancy home furnishings that you want to shield from your throes of passion. When you are satisfied, simply throw it in the wash.

    $150.00 Select options
  • Nexus Anal Douche

    The sleek Nexus Anal Douche offers one step insertion for simple yet effective intimate cleansing before and after anal play.

    A tactile, high quality rubber bulb and smooth plastic nozzle makes the product quick and easy to operate. The non-return valve ensures that no water flows back into the bulb during use.

    This one-step douche makes for effective intimate cleansing. The bulb offers 224ml capacity.

    $20.00 Add to cart
  • RFSU Tight Vegan Condoms 10 pack

    10-Pack – offers a snugger version for a wonderfully close fit.

    $14.00 Add to cart

Take It In Steps

One of the most important things to remember when engaging in anal play is to move in steps. Diving in too fast risks hurting the receiving partner. You never want to begin with penetration. Instead, start with external play! We highly recommend rimming as a method to warm your body up to the potential for anal penetration. Using fingers, lips, or tongue, or toys to stimulate the anus from the outside helps the body become aroused, increase blood flow and sensitivity to the area, and help turn the receiving partner on. The more relaxed and turned on the receiving partner is, the better your anal adventure will be! Only attempt penetration once your partner is relaxed, their body is warmed up, and ample lubricant has been applied.

Many people like to engage in ‘training’ before participating in anal sex, which means using small penetrative toys to help your body get used to being opened up. Training can last anywhere from a few hours, to a few days! Some find that wearing a butt plug for awhile before participating in anal play makes the experience easier, because their body is already engaged. Others may enjoy using fingers or small toys to prepare their body for penetration with a penis or a larger toy.

When you think you’re ready to engage in penetration with a larger toy, our best advice is to go slow and slippery! You can use a lubricant shooter to make sure that there is lube throughout the rectum, and apply a generous amount to the outside of the penetrative object, whether it be a toy or a body part. Remember to breathe, don’t tense up, and take it slow.

If you experience pain, stop and apply more lubricant! If you’re still experiencing pain when using plenty of lube, then it may be an indicator that your body isn’t ready. You may need to go back a step and work on training for a while longer. Every body is different, so listen to yours! It’s a common cultural myth that anal sex will hurt, but that’s not actually true! Sex -- no matter what kind you’re participating in -- should never hurt (unless you want it to).

If you experience pain during anal play, pause. Consider taking a short break, giving yourself more warm-up time, adding more lubricant, or switching positions. Many people ask us about numbing agents or desensitizers, but we do not suggest using these kinds of products. If you’re feeling discomfort or pain, it’s usually best to listen to your body. Pain and discomfort is an acute form of neurofeedback to warn us of harm to our bodies, and removing your ability to feel discomfort creates the potential for injury. 


So you’ve had a successful anal experience. Well done! But remember that the scene doesn’t stop on a dime, and many people will need physical aftercare, emotional aftercare, or both!

Once you’re done, take some time to clean up. Baby wipes are incredible for a fast cleanup! Don’t feel the need to sit down in the bathroom and try to squeeze the lube out of your body right away; instead, give your muscles time to relax. Take a break. This can be a wonderful time for a soothing bath -- ideal for both mental relaxation and physical soothing.

Some slight discomfort is normal after anal penetration. It’s also normal to see a small amount of blood afterward. If you do notice a bit of blood, it’s a good indicator that you didn’t have enough lube throughout the entire interaction. Make sure you are reapplying often enough during penetration! You can soothe upset external skin of your anus with coconut oil, or unscented cocoa butter. If there is a lot of blood, or extreme pain at any point, you may need to see a doctor! If you do, be honest with them about the cause of your pain. We promise, your doctor has heard it all before, and they will know what to do.

Don’t forget to tend to your emotions, too! Emotional aftercare can be just as important as physical aftercare. Participating in anal sex can make the receiver feel extremely vulnerable. The receiving partner may need plenty of praise, attention, and affection. Talk to your partner about how they feel, and what they need! Perhaps they will want to watch their favorite television show, eat their favorite snack, or cuddle up in their favorite blanket. Be attentive to their needs, and make sure to clearly state your own!

It’s important that both partners check in with each other about their feelings, takeaways, likes, and dislikes of their experience once you’ve both cooled down both mentally and physically. Discussing with our partners what was good, what was great, and what could be done better, is how we improve our experiences.

Closing Tips

Congratulations! You’re almost ready to go safely out into the world of anal exploration! But before you do, let us offer a few final tips that can help set you up for a successful anal adventure:

  • Remember, anal sex shouldn’t hurt. If it does, stop, troubleshoot, and adjust. Pain shouldn’t be a part of anyone’s sexual experience (unless they want it to be).
  • Lube, lube, lube. We know we’ve talked about the importance of using plenty of lubricant a lot already in this guide, but we just have to say it one more time: USE PLENTY OF LUBE. When in doubt, add more. There’s virtually no such thing as using “too much” lube.
  • Get turned on first! If you’re already feeling sexy, then it’ll be a lot easier for your body relax enough to enjoy anal. Sometimes, anal sex is easiest (and the most pleasureable) after you’ve already had an orgasm. Experiment with what works for you and your body!
  • Make anal a side act. If you know you love clitoral stimulation, then try adding anal play in simultaneously with your favorite clitoral toy! Experiencing pleasure in one part of the body deepens our overall connection with our entire physical selves, and opens our bodies up to even more pleasure.
  • Breathe. Often, when we are trying something new or experiencing something unfamiliar, we tend to physically tense up and our breathing becomes shallow. It’s important to stay relaxed and present, and taking deep breaths is one of the best methods for connecting to your body. If you find yourself getting tense or anxious during anal play, focus on taking a few deep breaths to help you relax.
  • Practice makes perfect! If your first attempt at anal sex isn’t flawlessly executed, that’s ok! Experience is the best teacher, so as long as you remain interested in and excited by anal play, you should keep exploring it. Move at your own pace, and make your own rules based on your wants and needs.
  • Anal isn’t for everyone, and that’s ok, too! Every body responds to different things. While some people may want and enjoy anal play, others simply don’t. Your boundaries are yours to determine, and should always be respected by your partners -- no ifs, ands, or butts.

And with that, we set you free to begin -- or continue -- your anal adventure! Be safe, have fun, and check in with your partner/s frequently. And remember: every body’s got a booty.

Blog, Education

“What Protections are You Using?”

Two People Wearing Face Masks and Drinking a Milkshake

Communication and Coronavirus

How We Can Use Our Interpersonal Relationship Skills to Communicate About COVID-19 Safety

By Felix Hart

As we learn to live in the era of coronavirus, learning how to communicate about potential spread and contamination risk is vital. Recently, I have been struck with how similar these discussions can be with sexual health discussions around sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Questions like, “When was the last time you were tested?,” and “Who have you come in contact with since then and what do you know about their sexual history?” feel very similar to questions around COVID like “Who do you live with, and who have you come in close contact with recently?” and “What are the risk factors at their jobs and homes?”

There’s a big difference between having sex with someone and getting within 6 feet with them, but the conversations require the same kind of honesty about risk and precausions taken. The words seem similar when vetting a new sexual partner as they are when discussing boundaries with a person who you want to be in a “germ family” with. 

Unsure where to start? Here are some potential questions to address with people you are close to right now:

  • What have their previous exposure and risk factors been?
  • What steps are you both taking to stay safer and reduce risk?
  • How will you communicate when a new exposure happens, or if someone in your world gets sick? How will safety precautions change if someone does get sick?

To make these types of conversations easier, plan to set aside a time to talk specifically. These conversations can feel awkward, and people may initially be reluctant to have them. Acknowledging that there is stigma and shame around illness can help us understand why many of us are hesitant to share our STI status or make plans for if one of us gets sick. Try starting by discussing why you feel the need to have the conversation in the first place. This will ensure that everyone’s concerns are heard and can be properly honored.

Just as with STIs, there is a shame-and-blame mentality emerging in our culture around this virus. This mindset is important to recognize so that we can unlearn it and change the narrative.

It’s important to recognise that getting an STI is a normal part of being sexually active--in fact, the CDC reports that more than 1 in 6 adults have genital herpes!¹ Similarly, getting Covid-19 is possible even if the person has maintained physical distancing guidelines and worn a mask whenever they have left the house.  In neither situation should the person be stigmatized. Instead, we must offer resources to help those who need it to receive the care they need.

Everyone has a different risk profile when it comes to Covid-19. Some of us are immunocompromised or older, and getting sick could have dire consequences. Some of us are connected to someone who is at greater risk so we need to take more precautions. But whatever your risk profile is, communicating about it to those you live with and come into contact with is essential to keep those at a higher risk safe during this time. 

Good communication skills are always amongst the most important tools we have in our relationships with others, and this strange new time we are living in is proving that. We only hope that this opportunity to better hone these skills will last long after the end of this pandemic!

Felix Hart is an As You Like It employee who brings a systemic, interconnected viewpoint to relationships, communication, health, and education. They have a background in cellular biology and are currently a Couples and Family Therapist intern at the University of Oregon centering diverse sexualities, identities and relationship structures.


Our New COVID-19 Policies

Last Updated: March 18, 2021

It is with both caution and excitement that we have re-opened our brick-and-mortar storefronts!

While we are overjoyed to be open to the public once again, we also want you to feel safe shopping with us. Please know that we are still taking extreme care to do our part to prevent the spread of COVID-19 in our community, including the following new policies:

❤️ Our staff will be wearing masks while serving you. We ask that all customers bring masks, and wear them while in our store. Masks must be worn as advised by the CDC to cover both mouth and nose at all times while you are inside our retail space. If you do not have a mask, a disposable mask will be provided for you.

❤️ For the safety of all, the number of shoppers allowed in our store at a time will be limited. Please do shop in large groups. If you arrive to find our space already at capacity, we ask that you wait your turn to shop. Chairs will be provided at a safe distance from the front door if you must wait.

❤️ If you plan to try on lingerie, gender affirming products, or other clothing, please shower before coming to shop. Any clothing item that is tried on and not purchased will be pulled from the sales floor for several days to prevent spread of germs.

❤️ As part of our cleaning procedures, we have set up a personal sanitation station just inside our front door, and we ask that our customers use the provided hand sanitizer when they first arrive in our retail space.

❤️ Since our in-person events have been postponed for the immediate future, we have converted our event space in Eugene into a gender-affirming, resource, and lingerie space. This will allow for more customers to shop at once while maintaining safe social distancing.

❤️ Our cleaning procedures not only meet, but exceed the CDC guidelines for clean spaces, and our staff will continue to maintain the highest possible standards of hygiene for as long as COVID is a risk to our community.

❤️ We have at least one commercial-grade air filters in each room of our space to ensure that no germs can linger in the air. As the days begin to get warmer again, we are keeping the door open as often as possible to encourage better airflow and ventilation.

❤️ We will continue to offer private shopping hours for those who prefer to have the space to themselves. To book your private shopping hours, reach out to your home store by call or text.

❤️ We will continue to offer free curbside pickup on all online orders, and free shipping on all over $50 when you use the code justbecause at checkout.

❤️ For up-to-date hours and contact information for our two locations, scroll to the very bottom of this page, or visit our Locations page.

Finally, we want to extend a hearty thank you to our community for the support we have received over the past several months. We could not have made it through this challenging time without your help. While we know that the challenges are far from over, we feel confident in our ability to persevere, largely thanks to support from all of you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. 

With Love and Gratitude,

Kim Marks and the AYLI Team


Temporary Store Closure & How You Can Help

By now, we know that the threat of COVID-19 to our community is both real and imminent. To do our part to protect our community and our employees, we have decided to temporarily close our doors to the public.

By closing our doors, we hope to protect not only our employees, but the most vulnerable in our community. The elderly, the immunocompromised, and their caregivers are depending on us to socially distance.

As a small, locally-owned business, we do not have the funds to stay open without income for long. We know that many of you are worried about your financial situation right now, but please consider supporting us (and other community-owned businesses) if you have the means. This is a time of uncertainty for all of us, but we know that our community is at its strongest when we support each other.

How You Can Support Us :

Buy a Gift Card Online! This is awesome because it equates to money in our pockets when we need it the most. Give it to a friend, or keep it for yourself to use when we re-open back up! Eugene Location and Ashland Location both have gift cards available.

Order From Us Online. Stay Home! You can shop our online catalog from the comfort of your own home! To encourage our supporters to stay at home, we are continuing to offer FREE SHIPPING for all online orders totaling $50 or more. To claim, simply input the code "socialdistancing" at checkout!

Order Curbside Pickup. If you're trying to limit your social interactions and keep distance between you and others, order from us online and select curbside pickup! You'll be able to come by the shop and text us that you've arrived, then we will bring your order right outside to your car for you. No need for direct interaction!

Do a Consultation via Phone or Text. We know that part of the difficulty of shopping for sex toys and lubricants is figuring out what product is right for you. Guiding our customers to the best product for their body's needs has always been a cornerstone of our business. So if you need a little guidance when shopping, give a call or send a text message to us at 541-606-0553. We'll be happy to talk you through our favorite products and help you decide with confidence! And if the product that's right for you isn't on our website yet, we will add it just for you!

Book Private Shopping Hours. Currently, we are still allowed to book private shopping hours for 1-2 people at a time. That way, we can still adhere to social distancing requirements while allowing you to shop the store. To schedule a time to shop privately, send us an e-mail at [email protected] !

Small businesses like ours are interwoven with our community. When you struggle, we struggle. But even though we cannot be close to one another physically right now, the need for community support has never been greater. Take care of yourself, and take care of each other. We are in this together, and we will make it through this together.

Thank you so much for your continued support. We will see you on the other side.

With Love,
- Kim & the AYLI Team