No Guilt In Our Pleasure!

The Case for Fully Embracing Enjoyment

A person in a soft pink lingerie outfit smiles while holding the Sway by Lora diCarlo. They sit in front of an abstract background of lavendar and aqua, with lilac flowers behind them and pieces of yellow tape as visual accents.

by Jackie

We’ve all heard the phrase ‘guilty pleasure’ before. It’s how our smart friend describes their newest reality tv fix, or how our partner explains away their go-to afternoon snack of popcorn with extra butter and parmesan cheese.

And while this common phrase seems on the surface to be lighthearted — a way to poke fun at the things that we think are weird or tacky about ourselves — it reinforces the idea that we should feel guilty for partaking in the things that give us pleasure. It implies that we don’t really deserve the things we enjoy. Which, if you ask me, is pretty weird.

It’s not surprising, of course. We live in a society that does not encourage us to prioritize what we enjoy, what makes us feel good, what helps us recharge, and what makes us laugh. The world at large is busy, stressful, and challenging to navigate even for the luckiest of us. But we firmly believe that the best antidote for fear, anxiety, and stress is pleasure. And when we attach feelings of guilt to what we enjoy, it keeps us from being fully in our happiness. But as adrienne marie brown writes in one of my personal favorite books, Pleasure Activism:

"pleasure is a measure of freedom.”

What this means is that we are at our happiest, freest, and most powerful when we pay attention to and embrace the things that bring us pleasure. And while I certainly can't speak for everyone, I can absolutely recognize that to be true in my own life. When I restrict myself, attach guilt to my joy, it is nearly impossible to feel truly fulfilled, at peace, or happy. When we are fully embodying our pleasures, we are better able to show up for both ourselves and others who may need it.

And so, as we come to the end of another year, we want to encourage you to banish the phrase “guilty pleasure” from your vocabulary. When Adwoa Aboah, a british fashion model, was asked what her guilty pleasure is, she is credited as saying  "I don't feel guilty about any of my pleasures.” As you move into the final chapter of 2021, we encourage you to make this your new mantra!

As with all things, we should try our best to be mindful; there is absolutely such a thing as overindulging ourselves. But taking pleasure, joy, and enjoyment out of the good things in our lives — even the little things — is integral to living a joyful and fulfilling life. Not to mention a fun and satisfying sex life. Pleasure connects us to our bodies, teaches us to listen to our needs, helps us attune us more closely to our desires, and helps us figure out what it is that we truly want in order to enjoy our lives.

So go ahead and watch that corny show that makes you laugh, eat your favorite ultra-indulgent dessert, and engage in self-care rituals make you feel good in your own skin! It can be something obviously pleasurable, like masturbating, but it doesn’t have to be! It's important to remember that pleasure is not only sexual — we can take pleasure from anything that we enjoy!

Pay attention to all the good feelings that you get in your body and mind when you do what makes you happy, and consciously embrace them. Remove any sense of guilt from the equation, and simply let yourself enjoy the things that you enjoy.

Life is hard enough. Give yourself permission to experience pleasure without any guilt attached. Trust us, you deserve it.

What are some things that bring YOU pleasure?



Comment at least one thing that brings you pleasure below! Everyone who submits a relevant comment before Midnight on January 1, 2022 will be entered to win a Sway Double-Ended Warming Vibrator by Lora diCarlo — a $150 retail value! — absolutely free.

Please note that all entrants for this giveaway must be 18 years of age or older. All entries must be attached to a valid e-mail address. We will contact the winner via e-mail on January 1, 2022. The winner must respond to our e-mail alerting them of their winnings within 24 hours in order to claim their prize. The winner must also be willing to provide a mailing address within the United States in order to receive their prize. The winner will receive one Sway by Lora diCarlo via USPS.


  1. Avatar of bobroberthart bobroberthart on January 2, 2022 at 5:12 pm

    Working out brings me pleasure. It allows me to clear mind mind and body and relax

  2. Avatar of on January 1, 2022 at 11:21 am

    I’m at a place in my life where the only people I surround myself with are positive, supporting, uplifting, and loving people. What brings me pleasure is no longer giving any portion of myself to those who don’t love me or want to see me succeed. Being able to be my most genuine authentic self without being in fear of what the people around me will do with it and in turn, being that loving support person for my people is the best feeling.

  3. Avatar of Damaru Damaru on December 31, 2021 at 12:59 pm

    Opportunities to try new things (both inside and outside of the bedroom) give me the most pleasure! I enjoy the chance to spice up my life 🙂

  4. Avatar of dmg03 dmg03 on December 28, 2021 at 4:14 pm

    Something that brings me pleasure is when my partner uses gender affirming language in the bedroom 🙂

  5. Avatar of DazeyDaisy DazeyDaisy on December 27, 2021 at 1:35 pm

    This year I’ve really dove deep into kink and BDSM and it’s been bringing me to new heights of pleasure! I’ve found a new passion for rope bondage and have been exploring so many new sensations with my loving and caring dom <3

  6. Avatar of BrittanyPotter BrittanyPotter on December 25, 2021 at 2:59 pm

    Being with my husband for 15 years and still having that desire and passion for one another is what gives me the most pleasure out of life. Being connected on a deeper level has brought us closer together and has opened us up to try new experiences, whether that be sexual or not.

  7. Avatar of ellebee ellebee on December 25, 2021 at 12:56 pm

    The freedom of exploration and expression brings me so much pleasure. When I share my exciting discoveries with friends, an open dialogue on sexual exploration begins and strengthens our friendships. It’s a beautiful pleasure journey to build safety and trust within my growing queer, kinky community.

  8. Avatar of goochykitty6 goochykitty6 on December 19, 2021 at 2:55 pm

    what brings me pleasure is having the freedom to explore my sense of self and getting to be me however i want 🙂

  9. Avatar of sastover17 sastover17 on December 14, 2021 at 7:35 pm

    What brings me pleasure is learning something new or doing something I’ve never done it before

  10. Avatar of Cyp Cyp on December 13, 2021 at 9:13 am

    The moment giving me the most pleasure is discovering who my boyfriend is. Who he really is. Not the fake “oh I’m so tough look at me being super strong and Dom all the time” facade, but the willingness to let himself be upset around me and let go. His sensitivity is what makes him a more compassionate person and I hope I can continue to be there through the years to comfort him ❤ The second thing that seems fitting to put here since I want to be more open is sexy time and masturbation, it’s so much fun! Including toys or role-playing or games during it makes it even more fun in my opinion, which I actually learned just recently. Sure, it won’t be more fun for every person on the planet, but it was a cool self discovery for me.

  11. Avatar of good_soup good_soup on December 7, 2021 at 2:02 pm

    Currently the thing that brings me the most pleasure is waking with my girlfriend’s arms wrapped around me every morning. The second biggest pleasure? That comes from gently getting out of bed, making coffee, and bringing it to her cute self.

  12. Avatar of skyeanna skyeanna on December 5, 2021 at 2:46 pm

    Consensual, sensual BDSM gives me the most pleasure, as a bottom or a top. I especially love latex floggers!

  13. Avatar of shellsonus shellsonus on December 2, 2021 at 5:19 pm

    For starters, thank you for having a positive place for gender friends and body positivity! A place my partner and I can explore who we are and how we can best be with each other.

    I have many things I enjoy and bring me pleasure. I e thing is safe “hurt”. Negotiated, consentual, and only during times of physical and mental health pain can be a wonderful way of expressing joy. (BDSM)

    My partner and I hope to access the resource of knowledge from books and groups in the area in order to best join in this adventure but also stay safe.

  14. Avatar of jackie jackie on December 2, 2021 at 7:01 am

    One small thing that brings me pleasure is when my cat comes and snuggles with me when I am in bed! She will knead my stomach and press her face against mine and purr the whole time, and every time, it honestly makes me feel like the world might just be ok after all! Cats are love.

  15. Avatar of imme5150 imme5150 on December 2, 2021 at 1:05 am

    I really enjoy long hot epsom salt baths. Hot tubs and hot springs are great too, especially in the snow and under the stars (and with the jets running sometimes too).

  16. Avatar of tdccampbell tdccampbell on December 1, 2021 at 10:07 pm

    Before As You Like It pleasure was difficult for us and now that we are more open to exploring what actually takes us to a place where we can be more comfortable and loving to each other. It is our compassion that we share that ignite the pleasure.

  17. Avatar of Pathofthebeam19 Pathofthebeam19 on December 1, 2021 at 6:57 pm

    This year I’ve made a lot of changes for my health and am discovering that I am worth taking care of. Some weight loss as part of this health has allowed me better access to my pleasure bits. I am also discovering the idea that I might be worthy of pleasure and touch too!

    • Avatar of aliceg aliceg on December 29, 2021 at 11:42 am

      How I learned to be comfortable in my own body, accepting all the parts, less judging, being more gentle towards myself.

  18. Avatar of dugaz dugaz on December 1, 2021 at 3:21 pm

    Oh where to start! After my wife passed away following a struggle with cancer, I was pretty resigned to a mediocre sex life in my senior years. Haha! Life is wonderful in the unexpected way it unfolds. Currently my biggest pleasure point is learning how to please my lover with tongue and dildo. Dildo play is new to me and we continue to explore our limits without guilt. Senior sex is best!!

  19. Avatar of drwiden drwiden on December 1, 2021 at 12:58 pm

    As a late-blooming pleasure woman – it wasn’t until I was in my 60s, post divorce, that I u locked the door to all the possible ways to have pleasure with my partner. I am so grateful that together we try any thing and (almost) everything to pleasure each other. It’s true! It’s never too late!

  20. Avatar of ember ember on December 1, 2021 at 12:02 pm

    As someone recovering from religious trauma, I’m trying to get rid of the notion of guilty pleasures. Sex is something that I’ve always enjoyed, and now I’m trying to enjoy it guilt-free.

  21. Avatar of b.m.eugene b.m.eugene on December 1, 2021 at 11:57 am

    Learning about my body and my partners’ body, always finding new and exciting ways to have fun together!

  22. Avatar of trashpanda.emilia trashpanda.emilia on December 1, 2021 at 11:54 am

    I grew up with and still build Legos and currently one thing that really brings me pleasure is helping and watching my girlfriend build Legos too they just started getting into them and I almost enjoy watching them get excited while building almost more than I enjoy putting them together myself

  23. Avatar of PlantLust PlantLust on December 1, 2021 at 8:08 am

    The growing sexual comfort between my partner and I brings me pleasure. I love the feeling of growing with someone I love.

Leave a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.