A Quickie on Anal Sex

by Javay da BAE aka The Millennial Sexpert

Happy Anal August! For a lot of people, the thought of anal play sounds unappealing because there is a belief it will hurt or in no way be pleasurable, but neither is necessarily the case. Pleasure is individual and unique to everyone, so some people don’t enjoy or like anal play, but for a large portion of people, there is a lack of knowledge that makes anal play unpleasurable. If you are curious but haven’t studied up on safe and satisfying anal play, you are in the right place. We are about to give you a quickie on anal sex, but if you want a more in-depth lesson, join us for All About Anal with Javay da BAE at both the Ashland and Eugene stores this month.

Getting Started

Before you actually engage in any anal play, you have to prepare yourself–physically, mentally, and possibly even emotionally. Emotional prep for anal play may be required if you view anal play as a more intimate act, have past shame about the anus, or have been saving to do it with someone special. New experiences can be a little overwhelming so take time to process those emotions. Next, you will want to focus on mental preparation and the key to getting relaxed. If you are stressing or worrying, be it about anal play or other life things, that tension is going to affect your experience during anal play. You can do whatever you would normally do to get relaxed. There are some items you will want to procure for physical preparation. The most important ingredient to a satisfying experience is going to be lube. You should choose your lube based on the activities you plan. Hybrid lube is a great choice if you plan to use any toys. If you are just using bodies, your lube choices expand to include silicone and oil-based lubes (but remember no oil-based lube with condoms or other barrier methods). If you prefer water-based lubes, we recommend using a thicker water-based one to provide more cushion. Sliquid Sassy is a great choice for a thicker water-based lube. 

Preparing the Body

For successful and pleasurable anal play, you have to prepare your body with anal training. Anal training is the process of relaxing the muscles in the anus to be able to engage in anal play with comfort. It is important to note that anal training is not a quick activity if you have never engaged in anal play before or if you have complex emotions tied to anal play; that’s why it’s called training. It is recommended that you begin anal training with just your fingers. To get started, you are going to use a well-lubed finger and massage the rim of the anus. You can do small circles just to let the anus know that more is coming. After you feel comfortable and relaxed, you will use your finger and begin penetrating the anus. You aren’t fully inserting your finger. You should just go as deep as the crease nearest your fingertip. With the finger inserted, you are going to begin doing small circles with the fingertip. The circles are to help relax the external and internal sphincters. As you feel those muscles loosen, you can put your finger a little deeper and continue with the circles. Your muscles will continue to relax, and it will be easier for you to move your finger around. As you go deeper and make larger circles, you will notice how much more comfortable and easy it becomes. When you get to this point of comfort and ease, you can introduce more fingers and gradually move to toys. Anal plugs are a great choice for anal training as they have gradual increases in size, making it easier to move up as you desire. Once you are at a point of comfort with the desired size of toy, you can proceed to anal play, solo, or with a partner.

Pleasurable Anal Sex

When you are ready for anal sex, be it anal fingering, penetrative sex, or oral sex, there are some important elements to facilitate a pleasurable experience. The most pivotal component is lube. Lube is absolutely necessary for anal play. Another key aspect is going to be positioning. Every body is different, and some positions may not feel as good as others. Don’t be afraid to explore different positions and use supports like sex positioning pillows to make it more comfortable. Some good positions to try are the traditional doggy style or an adjusted doggy style with a support pillow under the pelvis. Communication is paramount. Be sure to check in with your partner continuously, whether you are the bottom or top. You should be checking in to see whether more lube is needed to make sure the depth and speed are comfortable and both the giver and receiver are experiencing pleasure.  It’s ok to stop and go back to anal training before trying again.

Now this is just a splash of education on how to have anal sex. There are so many other pieces that can be discussed on ways to prepare the body, toy options, ways to make anal sex more fun and exciting, and so much more. If you are interested in learning more, come in and get a copy of Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin, Ph.D. All that is to say that this article helps you get started but by no means takes you to an expert level of anal sex, so be sure to take your time, listen to your body and your partner, and relax for maximum enjoyment and pleasure!

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