September is Sexual Health Awareness Month – and unsurprisingly, it’s one of As You Like It’s favorite months to celebrate! Sexual health is intertwined with our mental health and quality of life. And yet, sexual health is discussed surprisingly infrequently. When these conversations do occur, they can often be accompanied by a heavy dose of awkwardness. More often, these talks are rushed over, or worse, skipped altogether. Therefore, the first real introduction to sexual health for many of us is a sex education class at our middle school or high school.
Our experiences of sex education depend heavily on the teacher, the school district’s policies, and state laws. And those can vary dramatically, particularly now. To provide a little context on the national sex education landscape, here are some current facts:
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Only 27 states require any sex education be taught in public schools, which represents a decrease from 29 states in 2021.
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Fourteen (14) states require abstinence-only sex education.
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Nineteen (19) states have laws that exclude or require stigmatizing language when referring to LGBTQIA+, an increase from 7 states in 2021.
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Only 5 states require comprehensive sex education.
As a whole, even the most effective sex education programs tend to focus on a very narrow experience of sex. Consent, preventing pregnancy, and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) may be discussed, but the concepts of pleasure and developing one’s sexual identity are rarely included. Fewer and fewer students nationally are experiencing a sex education curriculum that addresses the needs of LGBTQ+ students in an affirming way. This leaves a sizable portion of youth without the necessary knowledge to help them navigate their changing bodies, identities, relationships, and desires.
Although exceptions absolutely exist, the reality of sex education seems to be woefully limited in scope. It’s not difficult to see how the lack of inclusive and accessible sex education for youth can lead to a generation adults with a lot of questions regarding their sexual health. Worst of all, because of the lack of open conversation on the topic, many of these adults may find themselves unsure of where to turn for answers.
That’s where we come in. In honor of Sexual Health Awareness Month, we at As You Like It want to give all the adults with lingering questions a do-over at sex ed. What would it look like if our sexual health education was inclusive, accurate, shame-free, and deeply invested in giving everyone access to the information and resources they need to make safer choices? With this blog, we want to encourage you to think about what you wish you had learned in sex ed, and we will do our best to answer as many of your questions as we can!
Getting Started – Consent, Communication and Setting Boundaries
Despite pleasure being one of the least discussed topics in sex education, it is what attracts most people to sex! And the interesting thing about pleasure is that it doesn’t require another person to participate in creating it. Many people discover pleasure in their youth. For some, this discovery may come totally by accident. But others discover early on that they can pleasure themselves by moving or touching their bodies. Self-pleasure is called masturbation, and it is a healthy way to explore your body and discover what kinds of sensations you enjoy. We’ve written extensively on masturbation in the past, so we won’t spend too much time talking about why it’s awesome. But it’s important to note that masturbation is natural, normal, and beneficial.
But sooner or later, we as humans may find that we want to involve someone else in our experience of pleasure. We may begin experiencing desire for others, and we also may want to act on it. And the first step to any sexual encounter that involves another person is consent.
Before you touch, kiss, or engage in any sexual activity with anyone else, it’s important to talk to your partner about intentions and desires. That way, you can go into the experience with everyone on the same page, with similar expectations. Consent is ongoing, which means that getting consent isn’t a one-time talk. Part of agreeing to be sexual with another person involves being willing to pay attention to their words, desires, and body language. If your partner asks you to stop at any point during your encounter, or if you sense that your partner has stopped enjoying what is happening, consent culture teaches that you stop and check in with them about what they need. Consent is about respecting our partner as a human, and that respect should always be present, even in the most casual sexual encounter.
When it comes to boundaries, no one gets to set your boundaries but you. Each and every person has the right to make their own rules regarding their body. And each and every person has the right to partner/s that respect them, their body, and their boundaries. Recently, our society has deemed “sex positivity” as cool and empowering – and it is! – but it’s also important to realize that being sex-positive doesn’t necessarily mean you’re down for absolutely anything. To be sex positive just means that you view your sexuality without shame, and explore it in a way that makes you feel comfortable and affirmed. When in doubt, trust your gut!
We here at As You Like It stock several different books for all ages, specifically about consent, because we know consent is the foundation of successful sexual interactions. A society that deeply understands consent and acts consensually could reduce sexual harm, increase sexual pleasure, and create a society in which all people are treated with inherent respect.
Choosing a Body-Safe Lube
So you’re feeling confident in your boundaries, you’ve met a partner that you feel affirmed and respected by, and you’re ready to move from talking about sex to actually doing it. What’s the first step in doing it safely?
At As You Like It, we always advocate for starting your sexual encounters – whether solo or partnered – with a good lubricant!
Lube is an extremely important tool for both safety and pleasure in sexual experiences. According to research conducted by the Indiana University Center for Sexual Health Promotion, use of high-quality lubricant can increase the chance of orgasm by as much as 50%. Dr. Laurie Steelsmith also reports that the right lubricant may also decrease risk of infection and disease by protecting our delicate tissues from microtears and discomfort, all while providing a slippery fun surface for any desired stimulation.
But not all lubricants are created equal. There is very little oversight in the lube industry, and many of the most popular lubricants contain harmful and irritating ingredients that cause painful reactions and unbalanced PH levels in the body. Due to high osmolality levels, certain lubricants can actually dehydrate our cells, making our bodies prone to microtears, infection, and chafing.
If you are shopping elsewhere for lube, there are some key ingredients to look out for and avoid. Phthalates, Mineral Oil, Parabens, Glycerin, Propylene Glycol, Sulfates, and Synthetic Fragrances are all harmful ingredients that can be found in many low-quality lubricants.
So how do you pick the right lubricant? The good news is that there are a large variety of high quality & PH balanced lubricants, stroking oils, and sensation enhancers to choose from! At As You Like It, we only carry lubricants that meet our rigorous standards for body safety. Everything that you buy from us will be body-safe (although it’s important to remember that all bodies have different sensitivities).
It is also important to consider what type of lube is right for a sexual activity. To help our customers navigate the many choices, we’ve created a handy lube guide. Head over to our 2-Minute Lube Crash Course for more information. Or if you want a more personalized recommendation, you can stop by the store to chat with one of our highly trained staff members! In store, you can also check out our lube tester station, where you can safely feel the different textures or taste the various flavors. Because every body is unique, and you deserve a lube that works for yours!
Picking the Right Barrier
One of the most common tools we can use in defense of our sexual health is a barrier. Using the barrier method in sexual health essentially means placing a single-use protective device between two bodies to prevent skin-to-skin contact or fluid sharing. Using a barrier can help prevent pregnancy if it is used to collect ejaculate, such as a condom, but they can also assist in protecting from STIs. For many STIs, such as herpes or public lice, the easiest way to pass infection is from skin-to-skin contact. Therefore, adding a barrier can lessen the likelihood of transmission of these kinds of STIs. But what kind of barrier is right for you will depend on your body, your partner, and the way you want to play!
Condoms are one of the sexual health tools that comprehensive sex education programs cover. However, there is a lot more to stay about these devices than can be found in even the best sex ed curriculum.
One important condom feature is size. Finding the correct size condom for the wearer is crucial to both efficacy and pleasure. While the “standard” size condom fits a wide range of bodies, it is not the right choice for everyone. There is a wide range of bodies and anatomies, and a condom that fits too tightly could restrict blood flow, causing pain and even damage.
Many condoms come in a “classic” or “original” size that varies only slightly from brand to brand, but there are also slim fit and larger sized condoms that have a greater variance to accommodate all users. We have our very own handy dandy condom sizing guide researched and compiled by the As You Like It staff. This guide contains a breakdown of length and width information by brand and style. To get the most accurate match, you can use a string or soft tape measure to measure your anatomy at home! Our guide is limited to the brands we carry in our store, so you may need to do some independent research if you are looking for a brand we don’t carry at the moment.
Another important consideration is material type. The vast majority of condoms on the market are made of latex, which is a great, durable rubber option. Some people, however, have a latex allergy or dislike the smell or taste of latex. Don’t fret! There are other options. A store favorite here are the Skyn Non-Latex Condoms in all varieties. These condoms are made of polyisoprene, a durable material that tends to feel softer and more realistic than latex, and lacks the distinctive latex scent.
Internal condoms, sometimes referred to as “female” condoms another option when searching for a barrier. These are a lesser-known barrier method, despite their many useful advantages. The internal condom consists of a larger cylinder of polyisoprene, nitrile, or latex that can be gently tucked into the vaginal canal. Use extreme caution when using internal condoms in the anal cavity, because they may become difficult to remove if they get pulled entirely inside the body. Most internal condoms come with a removable internal thick ring to assist with placement and securing the condom inside the body.
One of the great benefits of an internal condom is that it can be placed inside the vagina up to several hours before penetration. That way, one can feel protected and prepared before an encounter even begins! This extra time also allows the condom to warm to the body’s temperature, providing a seamless and comfortable transition into penetrative sex.
Internal condoms are usually only available as a medical wholesale item, so we unfortunately are not able to sell them in our store. If you believe this may be the right barrier method for you, we recommend contacting your healthcare provider, or using a resource like Planned Parenthood or a university student health center for access. For example, the University of Oregon Student Health Center stocks internal and external condoms.
The barrier methods we have discussed so far are designed mostly for penetrative sex, but other barrier methods can be excellent for adding protection during oral or manual stimulation. For example, dental dams are single-use flat sheets of latex or polyurethane, intended for use during oral sex to protect against certain STI’s. The sheet is stretched over the genitals, providing a stretchy and comfortable fluid barrier between partners. With a little lubricant, the dam can glide comfortably with the movement of the mouth, tongue, and fingers.
Items like these tend to signify having sex purely for pleasure, and tend to be associated with queer sex more so than other methods for STI and reproductive protection. Because of this, there exists a stigma that makes access and sourcing difficult. Few people learn about these helpful devices in standard public school sex education, and in turn fewer people are inclined to try them as adults. In reality, dams are an easy, comfortable, and pleasurable way to engage in safer oral sex. Many even come in fun flavors!
Because of the lower production levels and stigma, dental dams tend to be expensive for customers as well as businesses. Here at As You Like It, we try diligently to continuously stock this sexual health item. We are committed to maintaining access to tools that help our customers have the safe and pleasurable experience they desire. If we are out of stock when you stop in or shop online, please let us know so we can contact you as soon as our next order arrives!
If you do not have access to a dental dam, what can you do? You still have options! For example, latex gloves are a much more accessible item that can be used in several ways. For a DIY dental dam, simply cut the glove along the side to flatten out the largest surface area. This can then be draped over the genitals. Alternatively, you can cut along the length of any larger latex or polyisoprene condom to use the same way!
But that isn’t the only purpose for gloves in sexual health. Gloves make a fantastic fluid barrier for external and internal manual penetration. Want to protect your partner from your amazing but potentially sharp manicure? No problem! Place a bit of tissue or cotton balls in the tips of a larger glove, and slide your hand in for a more cushioned sensation. Just remember to change gloves and wash hands when moving between anal and vaginal play to prevent bacteria transfer!
Toys and Keeping Them Clean
Many people who are looking to explore their sexuality decide to purchase a toy to help them explore. And luckily, there is a toy for every occasion and every body. There are multi-use toys, partner-play toys, app-controlled toys . . . the world of sexual toys (tools!) is expanding every year. So how do you know if the toy is safe?
As with lube, there is a wide range of quality in the sex toy industry Some toys can be made of porous materials, and are therefore challenging to clean properly, which makes them unsanitary to share with others. At As You Like It, you can be assured all our products will meet our high standards of body-safe materials. Most of what you find in our store will be made out of platinum-grade silicone, medical-grade plastic, glass, and/or steel. These are all body-safe materials! That means they will not store bacteria or leech harmful chemicals into your body. But even with the highest quality materials, it is still very important to understand proper techniques to clean the surface area of the toys, especially if you hope to share them with others.
Toy cleaners are especially handy for toys that are not waterproof, as they limit moisture on the toy. For any toy that is splash-proof, you can gently scrub the toy with a fragrance free, body-safe soap of your choice, and rinse with hot water. Hot water and fragrance-free soap will clean your toys of almost all surface-level bacteria. However, this method of cleaning does not guarantee full sterilization.
Sterilizing your toys is always recommended when switching between anal and vaginal use, or for sharing the love with a non-fluid bonded partner/s. Many non-motorized silicone, glass, and steel toys can be boiled for 30 seconds in water, but make sure to check your toy’s specifications before boiling. One of the fastest and most convenient ways to fully sanitize any toy is with a UV sanitizer, like the bVibe version we carry. Our staff members use a UV sterilizer to sanitize everything from pens to phones to floor models!
Full sterilization may not be an option for every person or every toy, but you can still find ways to use them safely! Using a condom over a toy provides an easy method to switch the toy between partners or orifices! Just use a fresh condom with every partner and body part to prevent cross-contamination. This helpful trick works for everything from dildos to butt plugs to wand massagers!
Some external toys, like strokers and c-rings, can be made of soft squishy materials like elastomer and TPR. These materials work great for this style of toy, as they provide a unique level of elasticity and comfort. And with a thorough wash and time to dry after use, these toys are still a pleasurable and safe option for external play. However, they are slightly porous and cannot be entirely sanitized. Therefore, we do not recommend toys made of these materials for internal use or sharing between non-fluid-bonded partners. We especially recommend strokers designed to make cleaning a breeze, like the S-Vibe Ikon Spark! Every toy is a little bit different, so your favorite toy may have unique requirements when it comes to cleaning. For cleaning instructions specific to your toy, consult the inside packaging or one of our friendly and knowledgeable staff members.
Sexually Transmitted Infections
When discussing sexual health, it is important to remember that health is not a conversation of morality. Using words like “clean” to refer to our STI status implies that folks who do have STIs are unclean, which further stigmatizes sexual health and makes it much more challenging to have judgment-free conversations. All people experience health in different ways, and not all bodies are capable of being healthy. But this is not a moral failing. All people deserve to feel pleasure, regardless of health status. For deeper reading on disability studies, social justice, and engagement with health and morality, we recommend the following works.
Many STIs can present asymptomatically or lie dormant for extended periods of time. Because of this, it is important to test frequently and follow the advice of medical professionals for testing windows and procedures. Not all testing panels are equal! If you have reason to believe you’ve been exposed to a specific STI or have relevant symptoms, communicate this to your healthcare provider so they can ensure you receive the proper testing.
It is also crucial to communicate your status and protection expectations with all sexual partners. This can feel like a daunting task, but part of consent involves sharing pertinent sexual health information so partners understand the risks before an encounter occurs. An honest and respectful conversation about STI status and testing sets everybody up to have a stress-free, consensual, and pleasurable experience. Remember to refresh this convo with your partner/s anytime your status or exposure level changes!
We offer this advice as a reminder of ways to experience pleasure with the goal of making safer choices for ourselves. We also seek to challenge the stigma behind sexual health and STI status. Although most traditional sex ed focuses on prevention of STIs, the truth is that about half of sexually active Americans will contract an STI in their lifetime. No prophylactic is 100% effective, and contracting an STI is a totally normal part of living a sexually active life. As Heather Corinna writes in their expansive sex education manual, S.E.X, “We’re only human: we get sick and can get infections of or through any site on our bodies.” Catching colds or influenza is not stigmatized, and neither should be STIs. Here in Eugene, we have the wonderful resources of Planned Parenthood and HIV Alliance for all things testing, treatment, and support-related.
Reproductive Justice
Reproductive health is another crucial component of sexual health that we believe should be discussed without judgment in any sex education curriculum. For all things birth control, emergency contraception, abortion services, prenatal care, annual exams and more, we once again highly recommend your local Planned Parenthood offices. You can also use your insurance company’s provider search tool to locate individual healthcare providers that meet your needs.
Additionally, several forms of emergency contraception are available at the pharmacy with no need for a prescription. If you may be at risk of an unwanted pregnancy, emergency contraception may be right for you. There are several brands available over the counter in Oregon. However, emergency contraceptives do have limitations. They are only viable for a short amount of time after intercourse, and also have dosage limitations based on weight.
The entire team at As You Like It would also like to state our firm belief that reproductive healthcare is a human right that shall not be alienated. We give our full support to organizations fighting to protect this right, such as Planned Parenthood and the American Civil Liberties Union. Bodily autonomy is inherently intertwined with sexual health.
Some Closing Thoughts
If we had our way, sex education would be an entire comprehensive course that continues to evolve as you learn and grow. But in reality, most sex education classes come as a special two-week unit taught by someone without deep expertise in human sexuality. So until our dreams for widespread, inclusive, shame-free sex education become a reality, we at As You Like It are happy to make up for inadequate sex education and answer any questions our customers have.
If you can’t make it into the store, or if you would just like to read more on any of these topics – or a wide range of others related to sexual health – consider investing in your very own copy of Heather Corinna’s all-inclusive guide to sex education, S.E.X – the All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties. Although the imagined audience for this textbook-sized manual is young adults, the information found inside is important and helpful for folks of any age. While some of us may have a lot to learn (or unlearn) about our sexual health, it’s never too late to get the information you need to have a happy, healthy, and satisfying sex life!
Still have questions? That makes total sense! Your sexual health is as unique and complex as you are. It would be impossible to address all the diverse sexual health needs of all the diverse bodies in the world in a single blog. For personalized advice, feel free to stop in store to ask our extremely knowledgeable staff. You can also leave any questions you still have in the comments below!