Leashing The Beast Within- A Guide to Pet Play
A quick dive into why pet play makes our tails wag and how to get started
by Staff Writer Win
Before we start digging, let's clear the air on a few things surrounding pet play. No, it’s not the same as bestiality. No, those who engage in pet play aren’t dangerous and twisted people who need to be watched around the family dog. No, power play is not inherently abusive or dangerous. Fantasy and reality are separate, and thought crimes do not exist.
Even if someone fantasised about the family dog or being in a dynamic that would be abusive, that is fundamentally different from someone engaging in such behaviours in real life. Imagined harm is different from actual harm, and fantasy does not hurt people.
In fact, for many people, the taboo aspect of these fetishes are a large part of what makes them so compelling. They exist in a state of suspended belief where the lasting impacts or trauma of such events isn't part of the fantasy, like playing a video game or watching an action movie. Sometimes, the mere fact that they are taboo is what makes them so arousing, something that has been explored in many books and scientific papers. In The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin, this connection is boiled down to the Erotic Equation: attraction + obstacles = excitement. We want things we can't have, so fantasies about taboo things are doubly attractive. Doesn't mean that we actually want to do them in real life.
Okay. Now that we’ve taken care of that bit of dirty business, let's get to the fun dirty business: Pet play! Pet play is a wide category of behaviors and dynamics, and each person will have their own interpretation. In this blog, I’m using dogs as examples for simplicity, but your pet play could be based around any animal that you feel connected to or excited by. Bratty iguanas, spoiled pigs, and feisty ferrets rise up!
The most common dynamics are, of course, Owner/pet, but sometimes a reversed dynamic of Pet/owner, or even pet/pet. Or perhaps a bit more wild, with the owner taking more of a role of trainer or tamer and the pet an unruly beast. Pet play often merges with other D/s dynamics, adding in the Service Dogs and Guard Dogs to the classic pampered pets and degraded mutts. For some people, pet play is just one of many ways to explore dynamics and kinks they enjoy; for others, pet play can be a full-time dynamic, also called a lifestyle. Whether you’re looking to be collared full-time or just add pet play to your erotic roster, here are a few things to keep in mind.
You’ve Got That Dog In You, Now What?
So you think perhaps pet play would scratch an itch you've been feeling. First, consider how you want pet play to make you feel. Often, it can be helpful to begin by considering which side of the dynamic you’re most interested in: pet, owner, or both? Do you want to feel owned? Humiliated? Feral? Do you want to have the power in the situation or have it taken away from you? Keep in mind, these answers can and very well may change over time or even day to day.
For some people, being the Dominant in a pet-play scene can create/affirm feelings of being a caretaker, in absolute control, powerful, and/or gleefully cruel. Domming can give people a place to explore desires or urges that could be negative in other aspects of life, like sadism, possessiveness, and manipulation. But when everyone has consented, these can be explored in positive and joyful ways.
On the flip side, people who look to be in submissive positions during pet play may be seeking to explore desires of being helpless or a break from the responsibilities of being human. Often, the pet headspace is somewhere to let go of inhibitions and be vulnerable, to trust others to take care of your needs. It can also be a wonderful place to explore service or praise kinks.
By asking yourself how you want to feel rather than focusing on what activities you want to do, you take some of the pressure off and focus more on the scene than the fantasy. Ground your scenes in the desires of all participants, and find a good balance where everyone can be fulfilled and satisfied. Remember, both Dominant and submissive roles take effort and need aftercare.
If you’re feeling unsure about what you want, try starting by reading both The New Topping and The New Bottoming books by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton. These are foundational texts that help beginners to understand what being a good Top/Dom(mme) and bottom/sub can look like, and what someone might enjoy about such a role. And don’t forget, things shift and change. Give yourself space to grow, and don’t feel like you have to adhere to a single role.
Once you have an idea of what role you would like, start a conversation with the person or people you want to play with. Ask them what they want from the scene and find the ways that your wants and theirs can combine in fun and satisfying ways. Planning and dreaming up a scene can be nearly as fun as actually acting it out! You could begin by filling out yes/no/maybe lists and sharing erotica or other inspirational art to get an idea of what everyone is picturing. If you feel like you have a good idea of what your partner(s) are looking for and into, you can slip some of these fantasies into other sex as dirty talk to ramp up the excitement and anticipation. Plus, you’ll get a taste of what this kind of play can feel like mixed with sex. Start slow and add elements gradually so you can get a solid idea of what you like and what you don't.
Go Fetch!
Okay, you know what you want to do, you know who’s playing what role, and everyone has given informed consent. Whew! Now the fun part can begin. Many people use props and costumes to get into pet-play headspaces. These can include collars, leashes, pup hoods, or even full pup kits! The pup hood is a classic and can be spotted in most queer spaces, especially those of gay men. But don’t feel tied down by the need for gear; the best sex starts in the mind. As long as you feel like you can get into the headspace, that's what matters. Regardless of gender, sex, ability, or dynamic role, anyone who’s interested in pet play belongs in the community.
When designing scenes, stay focused on activities that enforce the feelings you both want to have. If you’re looking for something more sweet or service-oriented, consider some grooming or bathing activities, or some gentle training with lots of treats. If something more intense is desired, perhaps a punishment for being naughty or a firm “sit” and “stay” is in order. Consider investing in a kennel or playpen to lock in a misbehaving pet. If you have an enclosed outside space or the ability to spend some time in remote wilderness, pet play combines fabulously with outside play! A game of fetch or a primal chase through the woods can be the best kind of wild.
Pet play also creates an environment rich with possibilities. You can integrate so many other dynamics like denial and humiliation, or–with everyone’s enthusiastic interest and consent–some consensual nonconsent (CNC) activities or forced dehumanization. Because of how adaptable and unique it is, pet play can lend itself to so many different ways to play.
Hopefully, this blog has given you some of the tools you need to begin adding or exploring pet play in your relationship. Remember, consent is both sexy and mandatory! Take things slow and create a solid foundation to build the pet-play dynamic of your dreams. And most of all, have fun!
About the Author
A self-described Queer Freak who likes to get its hands dirty, Win (it/its) has never been interested in normal. An Agender/PreBinary person of mixed Lakota and Romani descent with a broad Kink background, Win brings a different perspective to As You Like It. It splits its time between AYLI and its community, and can usually be found in the kitchen, the forest, or wherever there's mischief to be made!