To honor the tenth anniversary of As You Like It, I am sharing the first part of the store’s origin story. But of course, it really isn’t just my story! So many people have played such important roles.
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Let’s go back to 2009
I was wanting a change. I had spent most of my adult life working in the nonprofit sector and with small grassroots groups doing environmental and climate justice work, from coalition-building to tree-sits.
Though my passion for environmental causes has never wavered, I started to feel constrained by the nonprofit sector to really effect the changes I wanted to see in the world. I sought another pathway to make a living that would also allow me to organize and advocate the way I wanted. I wanted to create something new that stoked my passions and allowed me to create change.
So, how did I go from environmental defense to slinging dildos? I have always been that friend who talked openly about sex and relationshipping. I was the one who was comfortable being my sex-positive, polyamorous self and who enthusiastically took friends to buy their first sex toys. And I always enjoyed this part of myself: being a safer person to talk to, a confident companion in a sex toy store, a listener and advisor on sexual expression.
Because my friends turned to me about sexuality matters, I was painfully aware of the shame and nervousness people had going into sex toy stores. I was often asked by my trans masculine and gay men friends if I would go with them to get what they wanted from the feminist sex toy shop so they would not be seen as the “creepy guy.” This never sat well with me; I knew we needed more sex-positive spaces where everyone of all sexualities and gender identities could feel safe and seen.
Along with my passion to create safer spaces to discuss, learn about, and buy tools to enhance one's sexual experiences, I am equally committed to body-safe products. When I started researching the business of sex products, I was shocked by the toxicity of so many of the ingredients in lubes, body oils, cleaners, and even some toys themselves. I watched the paradox of sexual shame in action: The same individual who would stand in the health-food store scrutinizing every shampoo ingredient would also hurriedly duck in and out of a sex toy store without anywhere near the same level of scrutiny about the safety of ingredients.
My vision for an inclusive, eco-friendly adult boutique took shape. I would create a space where everyone would be welcome, and all products would be body-safe. I would do the research to ensure there were no carcinogens, endocrine disruptors, or other harmful ingredients in anything I sold. I would research the companies from which I purchased products to review their labor practices and commitment to environmentally friendly production. People would feel comfortable spending time in my store, asking questions, exploring body-safe products, and knowing they were accepted for who they were—no shame, only inclusive sex positivity and accurate information. The thought of opening my own shop excited me; I knew I had to try!
I spent a year carefully researching what I wanted to do, how I wanted to be different, and what it would take to build a safer space so folks could be comfortable enough to ask the questions I knew they had. I spent endless time talking to my friends and interviewing folks who worked in adult stores. I started to work on my business plan. I started to see a path.
By 2011, I was ready to seek funding!
I registered the business. I was ready to hit the ground running when I faced my first major hurdle. It turns out no bank would fund this “type of business.” I would not be easily stopped now that I could visualize my dream store. So, I pivoted and reached out to my friends and community. I was able to piece together enough small loans from friends to take the risk and get going.
In 2012, I was able to open an office, launch home parties, and launch my website. It took me over two and a half years from that point to get my storefront. In November 2014, I found a landlord willing to rent to me after being turned down by dozens of people in two different cities, none of whom wanted to rent to my “type of business.”
When I moved back to Eugene in 2014 to open my shop here, it took me weeks to even find a bank that was willing to accept As You Like It as a business client. I was becoming discouraged. One of my business coaches tried to get me to quit on my vision. He said, “Poor people don’t start businesses; it is a rich person’s game.” That was hard to hear, and a part of me did start to question my ability to pull it off.
Then, at one of my home parties, I had two women give me so much support that I was able to actualize my vision. One of them shared with me how they also started with nothing and the other quickly turned into my store’s manager. I will be forever grateful for that night. I knew my vision would be realized in 2015.
Grand Opening, January 2015
Opening a sex store was a long and challenging endeavor. I had been working full-time for Greenpeace when the pieces started to fall together and I realized I could pull off opening my own store. Just to stay afloat, I kept working for that employer for the first two years I had my business. I didn’t have a lot of days off.
It took a whole community to build out the store once I found the place to rent. I had friends get U-Haul trucks and drive furniture up from the Bay Area for me. My friends came from all over to help me prepare the space, laying down flooring, painting walls, and building shelves. There were many work parties. We picked up fixtures at second-hand stores and from folks who had extra to give. Almost nothing new was purchased. I continued to live by my environmental values.
I also wanted my store to be an educational center: a place where the community could come and learn together and have open, accepting conversations about their sexual needs, desires and identities. In my business, I wanted to use my skills from decades of work in the climate justice world, teaching folks how to work with others and build safer spaces. I devoted a lot of time to training my team on sexual health, gender, racism, and how to build a safer container. We worked together to learn how to ask open-ended questions, how not to show judgment even if something brushed up against a sore spot for ourselves, and how to get support when we needed it. Having staff members who are trained community sexual health resources has continued to be a priority at As You Like It.
Happy 10th Anniversary . . . Already?!
In our first 10 years, we have gone from an 800-sq-ft space to having the whole building. We have won awards as the best boutique in the industry. We now have a second store on Main Street in Ashland. I have an amazing team whom I adore; the staff gets me through hard days, and there have been hard days. But I have realized my vision: As You Like It is the eco-friendly, size-inclusive, body-safe sexual wellness store where everyone is welcomed and customers can get their questions answered in a nonjudgmental, inclusive manner.
Where Are We Going From Here?
My goal moving forward is to increase our education track. Can we find ways to both support underpaid but appreciated sex educators and make these events more accessible? We know that many can’t afford the $20.00 per class and that rate also doesn't help the instructors pay their rent or keep our lights on either. I plan on working with the community to find solutions. With everything going on right now in the world, I want to make sure we are out in the community more at key events and hosting more socials. I would love to see one of my goals happen in an upcoming summer: A movie night outside in our parking lots!
I would love to see the stores continue to grow. With continued success, we can grow our team and what we are capable of offering to the community. We are in a wild time for being a retail brick and mortar store right now. As I watch store after store close, I am just thankful we are here. I am thankful for you, our customers.
Heres to the next 10 years, and all the years after that!
Cheers,
Kim Marks, Founder and Owner of As You Like It.