Valentine’s Day Self-Care: Permission to Practice Self-Love This February 

Valentine’s Day has a way of showing up loud: Red everywhere, endless couple photos, fixed menus, and hopeful expectations decorated with pink hearts. Even if you’re happily partnered, it can feel performative. And if you’re single, newly dating, heartbroken, or just tired, it can feel like a reminder of everything you’re supposed to have figured out by now.

At As You Like It, we believe Valentine’s Day does not just belong to couples; it is a day for all of us who choose to celebrate it. So, for this February, we’re offering something simple but powerful: permission to practice self-care and self-love, without apology, pressure, or comparison.

Let’s Try A Reframe for Valentine’s Day: Love Is Not a Limited Resource

One of the biggest myths Valentine’s Day reinforces is that love is scarce and that if you’re not receiving it in one specific way, on one specific day, you’re missing out.

But love is actually abundant and expansive.

It can look like romance and sexual connection, yes, but it can also look like:

●  Deep friendships

●  Chosen family

●  Solo rituals that bring comfort and pleasure

●  Rest, reflection, and reconnecting with your body

Love doesn’t only count when someone else gives it to you. Self-love is a really important type of love, and it deserves just as much intentional care.

Why Self-Care Matters, Especially Around Valentine’s Day

Self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s not a consolation prize for being single or a reward for getting through a hard week. Real self-care is about listening to your body, emotions, and nervous system, and taking steps to prioritize your own wellbeing without guilt. Decolonize Self-Care offers more insight into what self-care can mean for each of us in times like these. Sometimes we need to slow down instead of pushing through.

If you can’t show up for yourself, how will you be able to show up for anyone else? Taking care of yourself right now might look like:

• Being in nature, walking on the beach or in the forest

• Reading

• Putting your screens down and taking some time to breathe

• Creating art

• Drawing a bath, adding your favorite oils, and lighting the candles

• Dancing to your favorite songs

• Cooking your favorite meal or baking a sweet treat

Anything on this (non-exhaustive) list can be done solo or with others! Take some time for yourself while remembering you don’t have to do it all alone.  In times like these, it’s crucial to spend time in community with those we love.

Self-Care Starts With Self-Honesty

This might seem like a jarring place to begin, but making sure that you are holding yourself accountable and acting in ways that feel right to you are essential for self-care to be healthy and effective. Make time to deeply evaluate your actions and motives, but do so from a place of loving and wanting the best for yourself and your circle. Healthy growth comes from honesty and compassion, not shame. Dedicating space and time to check in with yourself is an essential part of self-care, especially in this day and age.

This step should feel just as good and relaxing as any deep conversation with someone you love, because it isn't about punishment or self flagellation. It’s not about assessing whether you are “worthy” of care, because everyone is. It’s about using mindfulness to deepen and sweeten the impact of your self-care. You can do all the face masks you want, but if you're behaving in ways that are incompatible with your deepest self, you're going to struggle to fully relax. 

Doing self check-ins like this are also a great way to work through anxiety or imposed ‘rules’ about getting to relax and do nice things for yourself. If you’re like me, you also worry about being a kind human and good friend/lover/community member. Taking space to assess my actions and beliefs with that same kindness I wish to show to my friends/lovers/community members makes me feel like I can actually honestly enjoy prioritizing taking care of myself. And if I find myself unhappy with my behavior, that means I can use my self-care time to think about ways that I can act better rather than as an avoidance tactic. 

You have our permission to do some self care, and now you can have your own permission too. 

Massage, Touch, and Coming Back Into Your Body

A lot can be said about the role touch can play in self-care. Touch is a powerful form of emotional and physical regulation and it doesn’t require another person. From self-hugs to sexual self-pleasure, touch can calm us. 

A massage candle or body oil can turn a few minutes of intentional touch into something deeply soothing. Slow down. Feel your hands on your own skin. Let it be about sensation, not outcome. 

And when you want a little extra support? Let a good toy lift away your stress. Orgasms are amazing for relieving stress, releasing those good brain hormones, or simply reconnecting with your body on your own terms. Self-pleasure is not frivolous; it is a legitimate form of wellness. And we all need a little bit more of that.

Life is complicated, and we need to find ways to release the tension. Pleasure as a form of self-care can help. And if you need a little inspiration, feel free to reach out to us or check our book selection.

Hot Water Rituals: Everyday Self-Care That Actually Works

Not all self-care has to be elaborate or time-consuming. Sometimes it is about transforming something you already do by intentionally treating it as a moment of care. Those who know me are aware that I live for the bath – or any form of hot water. Hot water helps to relax sore muscles and joints, increases dopamine and serotonin production, promotes circulation, and lowers blood pressure. 

Baths, or showers, are great places to take that sef-check in time we were talking about earlier. If you’re someone who needs to write out their thoughts, maybe get a waterproof notepad or shower crayons. Sometimes the answer is literally in the writing on the walls. 

They’re also a wonderful opportunity to practice getting in touch with your physical body. Yes, in a self pleasure way (yay waterproof toys) but also in a general grounding and appreciation way. Use a soft washcloth and your favorite body wash and take a moment to admire and compliment each individual part that makes up you. We understand that most people have complicated relationships with their bodies, but self love is an essential part of self care. 

Pleasure and Connection for Partnered and Group Play: Deepening Intimacy Without Pressure

Valentine’s Day doesn’t need to be about performance or perfection. Intimacy can be about curiosity, laughter, and slowing down with others. It’s about being present.

Sometimes we are out of sync with each other when we are ready to be intimate. When our days are stressful and tiring; expectations around our relationships and intimacy can seem like pressure. If you’re playing with others, take time talking, touching, and stroking with pleasure and connection as the goal. Let it be sexy for you to learn each other's minds, fantasies, and pleasure spots. Caring for your relationship and taking the time to be together and find what brings you closer in each of these moments is part of relational wellness. 

For those wanting to explore connection, intimacy, desire, and communication, come visit our book selection.  It is so easy for us to get stuck in a rut and think we know our people more than we do. It is so important to ask meaningful questions and really connect, but sometimes we just do not know what to ask to inspire that connection. I find books very helpful for this, especially workbooks, like Unfuck Your Intimacy, Love In A Fucked Up World, and Come Together. And if books are not your thing Dr. Faith Harper has made a card deck just for you.

A Valentine’s Day Invitation From As You Like It

This February, we invite you to:

• Choose softness where you can

• Say yes to pleasure and comfort

• Let go of how Valentine’s Day is “supposed” to look

• Celebrate yourself as the main event

• Invest time in your own pleasure when possible

At As You Like It, we’re proud to be an inclusive, body-safe sexual health and wellness shop serving people of all identities, bodies, and relationship styles. Every product we carry, from shower steamers to toys to books all are chosen with care to support our community. We all need to take care of ourselves in order to stand up for what we believe in. We need to be able to defend who and what we love.

You don’t need permission—but if it helps, consider this yours.

Practice self-care. Indulge in self-love. Celebrate yourself!

 

If you’re still looking for some inspiration, here’s some staff picks for self-care support items:

Win- Liberator Pillows- ‘I invested in the Esse Lounger after a car crash and it’s become my fave place to curl up and read a book or take some check out time playing games on my laptop.’

Melissa- The Womanizer Next- ‘If I have 30 seconds in the shower, the Next. If I have an hour, the Next. If I have the house to myself for the whole evening and a hot bath, still the Next!’ 

Ashton- Pleasure Activism by adrienne maree brown ‘Because I think it gives you space and permission to explore pleasure in your life and not be stuck in a “this is just gonna be hard and miserable forever while fighting for what’s right” situation. 

Also ‘A pair of leather cuffs, because after very difficult days that feel disempowering and disheartening, it can be actually very grounding to give up control with a partner(s) and have the power to be powerless if that makes sense.’