by Javay da BAE, The Millennial Sexpert
Romance can be one of the most daunting things in life. When you see it in movies and TV shows, it’s always so extravagant and expensive that it can make it seem like romance is only something you can experience when you’re wealthy. That’s not true at all. Romance is available to us all, and we should prioritize it. Have no fear if you feel like the most unromantic person in the galaxy; we are here to help you!
Firstly, what is romance?
Romance is defined as “an emotional attraction or aura belonging to an especially heroic era, adventure, or activity” by the Merriam-Webster dictionary. This just means that romance is an emotion or feeling that is connected to a time, experience, or, in the case of relationships, people. Romance can be something small and intimate, like a hand-written card or letter, or something more extravagant, like a giant bouquet of flowers. The key to romance is being intentional with what you do so that it creates a feeling of warmth, appreciation, and love.
How to be romantic
If you feel like you don’t have the romance gene, have no fear–some people are born with it, but most people have to learn to be romantic. A great starting place to become more romantic, especially if you are in a relationship, is by talking to your partner. The thing about romance is that everyone likes different things. I’m personally all for super intimate, heartfelt gifts and actions, whereas my husband romances through the kitchen. Talking with your partner about what they think is romantic sets you up for success.
That’s not the only thing, though. You are going to have to do some legwork as well. Taking notes and paying attention to details is what takes something from being nice to being romantic. Attentiveness to detail will add some intimacy and affection to your romance. Now, when I say attention to detail, I don’t mean you need to know if they prefer to eat with a spork or spoon, but rather a detail for when they last had fresh flowers or if they seem to have some tension in their neck that is bothering them. By doing the things your partner already likes and looks at as romance, plus paying attention to details, you will be able to shower your love in romance that rivals even the best rom-coms.
Romance for single folks?
Now, you don’t have a partner or aren’t in a relationship, that doesn’t mean you can’t also have some romance. The beautiful thing about romance is that you can romance yourself. When was the last time you really romantically spoiled yourself? You know, like making your favorite meal, having a bubble bath with a glass of wine, or just listening to a beautiful jazz album with a delicious candle burning? All of these are examples of romancing yourself. You can treat yourself the best, so why not do that instead of waiting for someone else to do it?
Take some time to think about what you find really romantic and do it for yourself. And if you are not the type to do romantic things on your own, spoil yourself and spend the money to let someone else do it. Book that romantic getaway that has been popping up on your social media, which you’ve been wanting but haven’t done because you aren’t in a relationship. For romantic activities that someone else would typically do, hire someone. Book a massage with a massage therapist. Make the reservation for a private chef or at the restaurant you’ve been wanting. Being single doesn’t mean romance isn’t available to you; it might take a little more planning and forethought, but it is absolutely still within your reach.
Maximizing romance for Valentine’s Day
Now, with the quintessential romance holiday approaching, you may be wondering what you can do to make it a more romantic and less Hallmark-commercial holiday. There are a few different options. One suggestion is curating a sexual experience. Engage the senses and excite each other with new activities. Try out a new massage candle, use blindfolds to build some anticipation, engage the erogenous zones with a feather tickler, and explore the depths of your partner’s body with your mouth. Don’t just let things go like they always do in the bedroom; plan to try new things (but be sure to talk to your partner ahead of time).
You can also add some romance by just doing things that you and your partner have expressed interest in wanting to try. And I don’t mean just in the bedroom. Have they been wanting to explore new hobbies like pottery? Go have your Patrick Swayze Ghost moment and take a class together. Learn how to make pasta from scratch together. Try a dance class. Novelty and romance are best friends. It’s extremely romantic to get to experience new things in life together.
Romance doesn’t have to be hard or overly complicated. Start small and just be focused on what you know your partner and you yourself like, and go from there. At the end of the day, romance is about the intention that goes into creating the feelings. If you need even more help, consider joining us for one or all of our February workshops.