by Javay da BAE aka The Millennial Sexpert
It’s Kinktober, and as a month that focuses on all things kink and BDSM, it is entirely normal for folks to be curious and want to explore. With exploration comes questions, and we welcome questions always and figured we should share some answers to some common and repeat questions we receive relating to kink and BDSM.
Is it normal that I am into kink and BDSM?
The short answer is absolutely. A large portion of the human population is into kink and BDSM. 88% of Americans have tried kink or BDSM before, and 34% of people regularly participate in kink and BDSM, according to a study done by the research center at BedBible. Kink and BDSM are a part of one’s sexuality, and just like you enjoying masturbation is normal, enjoying kink and BDSM is also expected. Truthfully, there is no "normal" when it comes to sex. We think of heterosexual 'vanilla' missionary sex as normal, but thats just because it's normalized in America.
Why am I kinky?
Why and how people become or are kinky is a very complex topic. Some research has posited that kinks are hereditary. Some people stumble upon kink and BDSM and fall in love with it. Others notice that they have had kinky interests from a young age. Some people come to kink as a way to heal and reconnect after experiences in life that may have been traumatic. The why of you being kinky comes down to you being open to exploring the many sides of yourself. You why might be different from others, and that is expected considering how individualized of an experience kink and BDSM are.
How do I get started with kink and BDSM?
As much fun as it would be to just dive into kink and BDSM, there are some things that everyone should do when they are first getting started. The first thing is getting to know yourself concerning kink and BDSM. As said earlier, kink and BDSM are pretty extensive, and if you just tried to jump in without having some firmer ideas on what interests you, you might get overwhelmed. Start by seeing what activities you might want to try, things you’re on the fence or undecided about, and things that you are not really about. You can do this by completing a yes/no/maybe list. Afterward, you will need to learn about the activities you want to engage in. Kink and BDSM require you to know about it so that you can engage safely. Some great learning options are reading books or attending workshops and classes taught by more experienced or professional kinksters. (We offer various workshops monthly that you can register to attend). It is important to note that kink and BDSM require you to be a lifelong learner as we are regularly learning new things and ways to engage in activities more safely on the regular.
I don’t have a partner. Can I still engage in kink and BDSM?
Of course, you can! There are so many different kink and BDSM activities that you can do by yourself. Some great solo kink & BDSM activities include rope bondage, impact play, and sensation play, to name a few. If you are playing by yourself, it is extremely important to make sure you are taking all precautions and prioritizing your safety. This means that with things like rope bondage, you have scissors or shears in arm's reach at all times. If you are playing alone, you still need to ensure you are educated about the activity because just because you are playing alone doesn’t mean there isn’t any risk.
How do I learn more about different kinks and BDSM activities?
There are so many different avenues and opportunities for learning more about kink and BDSM. Getting connected within the kink and BDSM community will allow you to connect more with more experienced folks who can become play partners who teach you more or just friends who share the interest and resources that they know of. Attending classes at As You Like It is a great way to learn more and build community. Educators and content creators also share tutorials and other educational resources to learn more about kink.
Getting started in kink and BDSM can be very exciting and also a little overwhelming. If you feel that way, just know you can take your time. There is no deadline or rush in becoming a kinkster; it is your journey to do as you want. Enjoy the ride, and never be afraid to stop by the shop and chat with us about any questions or learn about more resources.
About The Author
Javay da BAE (aka The Millennial Sexpert) is a sex educator, content creator, pleasure professional, spicy accountant, and academic. She is currently working on her PhD in Human Sexuality and PhD in communication & media studies and has a Masters in Sex Education from Widener University. Javay began working in the pleasure industry in 2018 and instantly fell in love with all things sex, pleasure, and sex education. Her academic areas of study are sex work, kink/BDSM, and the media’s impact on sexuality.